


Fame!

by Mystrothedefender



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-30
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-06 20:41:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 38,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1871763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystrothedefender/pseuds/Mystrothedefender
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ludwig had been hinting for far too long that he wanted to see this Italian group live, when they finally toured in Germany… what was Gilbert supposed to do if not buy tickets?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Ludwig couldn't stop grinning, he'd been looking forward to this for months, dreaming of it for years. Finally he was there, Gilbert indifferent at his side, he was happy Ludwig was happy of course, but he wasn't interested in these foreign pop singers as much as his brother was, if at all. Gilbert didn't know what his brother saw in the Italian group they were seeing tonight, but Ludwig had been hinting for far too long that he wanted to see them live, when they finally toured in Germany… what was Gilbert supposed to do if not buy tickets?

Ludwig stared out the window of the car, frowning at the snow, hoping it wouldn't affect the snow, hoping to god that they wouldn't cancel at the last minute.

It would be a waste of their own time and money, Ludwig assured himself, they wouldn't cancel, they hadn't cancelled any of their previous shows.

They wouldn't.

"They won't cancel," Gilbert smirked, "They haven't cancelled any of their shows and they weather last week was worse than this week. Don't worry."

"I'm not worried," Ludwig lied, his eyes still fixed on the falling snow, his fingers absent minded playing with a loose thread of the car's seat fabric.

Gilbert frowned, leaning over to pull Ludwig's hand away and break the thread. "Then stop mumbling, you're going to give me a headache."

Ludwig bowed his head slightly, biting his lip and returning his gaze to the snow, "When will we get there?"

"2 minutes," Gilbert stated, pointing to a spot through the darkness, "There's the turning."

Ludwig could feel the butterflies building in his stomach, all his muscles twitching and tensing with excitement. "Mein gott…" he heard himself whisper as Gilbert turned in, and he saw the large venue building, where he would finally see Feliciano sing, in person.

Gilbert groaned and rolled his eyes, "Apparently you are not the only one who wants to see this band… I am not ready to be surrounded by squealing teenage girls," he groaned as they hit the inevitable car parking traffic. "Don't they normally have people telling you where to park?"

Ludwig glanced around, raising his hand to point at a parking space, "There Gilbert," he said loudly, urging his brother to turn into the space.

The car skid slightly on the ice as Gilbert turned to park. Gilbert laughed as the vehicle came to a stop, "I love driving on ice," he said sarcastically. "Get out then," he grunted, opening his own door and stepping out into the cold.

"You don't sound happy," Ludwig observed, all his effort going into not smiling through happiness.

Gilbert shrugged, digging his hands into his pockets for warmth, "Lets just get inside ok?" he urged, beginning to walk towards the building. He could hear them already, from 150ft away, people screaming for their 'idols'.

They walked together down the hill and into the alcove, into the building, queuing with the similarly ages boys and girls, mainly girls, hoping they would get to their seats before the group went on.

"You have the tickets?" Ludwig asked, trying not to let his nerves show but failing miserably.

Gilbert nodded, "Yes, of course I do," Gilbert half-growled, getting out their tickets and handing Ludwig his.

"Why are you in such a mood?" Ludwig asked, "You know you don't have to watch with me."

"No, I-" Gilbert huffed, "I want to… I just don't like this whole 'thing'. The hero-worshipping that comes with all this. The music is good but all this isn't needed."

Ludwig frowned and nodded, "Yeah, I know." He looked down at the floor, chewing his lip, " …I don't take part in that bit, I just like the music."

Gilbert huffed, "Yeah right you fucking don't." He shook his head and handed his ticket to the usher and waiting for Ludwig to give in his, taking both their stubs back. "Just pick a seat and enjoy the show, ok? Don't worry about me."

Ludwig frowned, his mood suddenly dampened, he huffed and walked in, Gilbert immediately walked away, towards the back. Ludwig huffed slightly, he wasn't going to let Gilbert ruin his evening, he was going to stand as close to the front as he could get and enjoy his night.

His walked to the front, finding his seat in the fifth row, feeling himself shudder with anticipation. Feliciano was going to come on stage in less than 4 minutes, Ludwig was going to see him, not his image of a screen, him.

When the singer finally came on screen the room erupted into hoots and screams, Ludwig's head twitching down with the shock of the noise. When he looked up he could barely believe his eyes. He was right there.

"Feliciano!" he found himself shouting, along with the other teens, letting a grin spilt his face as the group assembled themselves.

The youngest, smallest member of the group approached the centre of the stage, tapping the microphone and grinning out at the crowd, speaking broken German in a sweet Italian accent, "Hello Germany. I am Feliciano Vargas, it is nice to see you all, thank you for coming, enjoy the show, I will see you after."

Ludwig's eyes widened, he'd heard that after shows Feliciano would sometimes wait outside the door and greet people, even shake their hand or sign something, he'd thought it was just a rumour. Ludwig hadn't thought to bring anything for him to sign. He looked down and smiled at the ticket stub in his hand, that was perfect, a fantastic idea.

The smile on Ludwig's face didn't leave over the next two hours, he became hoarse from shouting and he found himself shaking, he didn't know his heart could beat this fast, he felt like he was going to explode.

The boy sang so beautifully, pausing inbetween verses to sweep his curled brown hair from his eyes or shoot a perfect smile across the room.

When the show was over Feliciano left the stage, Ludwig bi his lip as he heard some of the others talk amongst themselves about what they were getting signed. It must be true, Ludwig couldn't believe it.

Two lines formed to leave the building, one going straight out and one, far longer, passing Feliciano.

Ludwig entered the line to meet the singer, his heart thumping in his throat, sandwiched between the other teens.

Gilbert passed him, in the other line, he stopped and frowned, "Ludwig what are you doing?"

Ludwig shifted uncomfortably and groaned slightly, "I just want to meet him, I just want to shake his hand. It won't take long."

"I heard someone say they were having to wait an hour. Are you really going to wait an hour?" Gilbert asked, still frowning slightly.

Ludwig nodded, "Yeah," he said stubbornly, straightening up as he spoke.

Gilbert frowned, "You expect me to just wait in the car? For an hour?"

"There's a place across the road where you can get food," Ludwig stated, crossing his arms indignantly.

"Ludwig…" Gilbert started, groaning slightly.

"Gilbert," Ludwig said back shortly, "…Please."

Gilbert rolled his eyes, "Fine," he said with a shake of his head, beginning to walk toward the door, "Come and find me when you're done."

Ludwig nodded politely, feeling the smile return to his face, "Thank you, brother."

He watched Gilbert walk away, and felt the smile on his face widen. He hoped it wouldn't take a whole hour to get to Feliciano. That would be so unfair, not on himself but on Feli. The poor boy had sung all night, it couldn't be nice for him to be paraded about after for over an hour.

Ludwig's spirits soared as he approached the table that Feliciano was sitting at. He listened to him as he tried to German, stumbling and stuttering, managing to keep a fragile smile on his face despite getting his sentences wrong.

He felt his pulse quicken as he came to the table, feeling his breath shorten.

"Hello," the boy said, looking him over, his smile changing slightly, as if Ludwig was not the type of person he expected to see in line to see him. Which was true, even Ludwig knew he wasn't the typical 'type' to go one of these concerts. "What is your name?" He glanced towards the paper in Ludwig's hand, "You have something for me to sign?"

Ludwig pushed the ticket stub across the table, letting Feliaino take it before he began to respond, speaking almost perfect Italian, "My name's Ludwig. It is nice to meet you."

Feliciano smiled widely, bright and genuine, responding in Italian, "It's nice to meet you, it's nice to meet an Italian speaking fan, but your accent is very funny."

The man standing next to the table cleared his throat, and Feliciano glanced up at him, "…He thinks I'm taking to long," he signed the piece of card and handed it back.

Ludwig nodded and took the card back, holding out his hand for Feliciano to shake, "Please," he asked, smiling softly.

Feliciano smiled and took Ludwig's hand, clasping it tight and shaking it forcefully.

Ludwig gave a small nod as he moved to walk away, suddenly unsure of what to say in parting, "You are very handsome," he said softly, moving away slowly, wanting to speak more.

Feliciano cocked his head, and he smiled widely and blushed, "Oh… Thank you, I don't usually get called… uh." The singer looked away, another teen forcing a piece of paper in his face for him to sign. "Ludwig you said?"

"Ludwig Beilschimdt," Ludwig confirmed before turning fully away.

He walked from the building, stopping outside the door and pressing himself against the wall, "Oh my god…" he said quietly to himself, clutching his hand to chest and digging his nails into the material, "Oh my god.." he chuckled to himself.

He had just met Feliciano Vargas. He had just met him and he had liked him, he had genuinely been interested in him and wanted to talk to him more.

He could hardly believe it.

This was more than he ever could have hoped for.


	2. Chapter 2

Feliciano rested his head on the window of his tour bus, putting his feet up and staring out at the German countryside. He was still smiling, he hadn't been able to stop since the concert, his throat was sore and his eyes ached but the smile stayed stubborn on his face. Since that boy had called him handsome.

Handsome, he'd never been called handsome. Pretty, cute, talented… not handsome.

Romano tapped Feliciano's foot, "Don't put your dirty feet on my seat, idiot," he frowned.

"Sorry, Romano," Feliciano said quietly in response, tucking his seat under his chair. "…There's nothing on tv."

"Says you," Romano smirked, taking the remote and flicking through the channels. "You seem happy," he observed.

Feliciano nodded, deciding not to expand on Romano's point. He raised himself from his chair to get his laptop, trying to remember the boys name.

Ludwig… what was his last name? He typed in his best guess, and the search engine fixed his mistake. 'Ludwig Belischmidt'. Feliciano smiled again, it was such a weird name, Germans had such funny names.

He scrolled down, the first entry being Facebook, only one Ludwig Beilschmidt in the city.

He looked at his profile, his last status made more than a month ago, very few photos, it was definitely him, but he didn't seem very active on the site. Was there any point in leaving a message if he might not get it?

He'd leave one anyway.

What should he say?

"Romano?" he asked softly, "What would you say to a fan?"

Romano frowned, "I don't talk to fans, not here, you know I don't speak German."

Feliciano huffed slightly, regretting asking the question, "Ok… If it was a pretty Italian o-or Spanish girl, a fan, what would you say to her?"

"They normally talk to you first. I don't understand Feli, what are you talking about?" Romano said loudly, shaking his head and turning up the volume on the tv, obviously wanting the conversation to end.

Feliciano pulled up a message box, the curser hovering over it. Romano was right, usually the fans were the first one to talk. Feliciano hadn't started a conversation with anyone who wasn't his brother in what felt like weeks.

He frowned more so, a realisation hitting him; What if Ludwig couldn't read Italian? He could speak it but he knew that didn't mean he could read or write it, Feliciano could speak basic German but he couldn't read or write more than three words of it.

He'd try anyway, there was translation software on the internet he was sure Ludwig would be able to understand.

He exhaled slowly, beginning to type, 'Hello Ludwig. This is Feliciano Vargas, you spoke to me a couple of days ago at the concert and you called me handsome, I just wanted to say hello, your comment made me happy.'

He sent the message and bit his lip, smiling slightly.

Now all he had to do was wait.

He sighed and tried to busy himself by watching videos and writing an entry for his personal blog, he kept the facebook tab open, hoping he would get a response but knowing he probably wouldn't get one for a while.

After a few minutes he sighed, his eyes flicking to the tab. He clicked it and looked through the few photos there, he recognised one of the men from the concert, the one with stark white hair.

He looked through the faces he didn't know, picking Ludwig's out of the group photos and smiling.

He jumped as the computer let out a small 'bong' noise, and his eyes darted to the message tab he still had open, and saw Ludwig had replied.

'Thank you, and hello, I'm surprised to hear from you.'

A smile broke on feliciano's face, he bit his lip in an attempt to stop it but it didn't work. He hadn't expected a reply, despite wanting one , he expected that the german would see his message and and assume it was a fake, an imposter trying to get his hopes up for their own twisted pleasure. he knew that sort of thing wasn't uncommon, as horrible as it was.

'I am surprised you answered'

He continued smiling, staring at the message box and hoping for a quick reply.

'I got a text alert. I don't usually use this site.'

Feliciano let out a slight 'oh', looking over at his own phone and remembering that he had the same feature.

'I always use this site. I'm sorry I didn't know how else to contact you.'

'It's ok', the answer came instantly, 'I follow your fanpage on here.'

Feliciano smiled again, suddenly aware of his heartbeat, he exhaled slowly, calming himself.

'My brother runs that, it's mostly teenage girls though, I don't think we have many fans like you.'

There was a pause, and Feliciano found himself frowning, maybe he had worried the boy or scared him. He hadn't wanted to do that, he bit his lip again debating with himself If he should retract his comment, he went to type but stopped as a reply popped up.

'I hope you don't see that as a bad thing.'

'No, of course not.' he swallowed hard, not sure of what to add to the comment, 'It's nice to know our fanbase is expanding. Romano says all the girl fans annoy him.'

'I've not talked to many of them. They are a little crazy.'

Feliciano giggled to himself, he had a long list of crazy things his fans had done.

'A girl tried to cut off some of my hair once, and have you seen the fan-art? They have drawing pictures of me and my brother in very odd situations, I don't like it really.'

'Have you thought of asking them to stop?'

Feliciano shook his head, forgetting that Ludwig couldn't see the action.

'Romano says its best not to acknowledge them, what If it makes them worse?'

'Not asking them wont make them stop.'

Feliciano huffed slightly, nodding to himself, that was true, he swallowed hard and pulled ip their fanpage.

'Do you think I should do it now, just ask them?'

'I don't see why not. It might help.'

Feliciano nodded again, writing out a short message to his fans. 'Hey everyone, it's Feliciano here, I would like to request that you stop making fanart of myself and my brother doing unsavory things, we have seen some and it makes us very uncomfortable, you are all very talented but please stop, thank you.'

He read it over and published it, returning to Ludwig's mesagebox.

'I've done it. You don't think it Sounds too mean do you?'

There was another pause, Feliciano assumed the German was getting up the fan page to read the message.

After a couple of minutes he frowned, sending a '?' to let him know he was still awaiting an answer.

'Oh my God it's really you?' Ludwig said a moment later, 'oh mein gott' and 'scheiße '.

Feliciano giggled, running his hand through his hair and absentmindedly playing with his curl.

'Of course it's me.'

'I'm sorry!' Ludwig said a second after 'I didn't believe it was you, I wasn't expecting this.'

Feliciano tried to stifle his laughs, not wanting to bring Romano's attention to him.

'It's ok, you've got nothing to worry about.'

'I'm a really big fan of yours.' Ludwig's next message read.

'I know,' Feliciano said back, still letting out small giggles.

'You've got an amazing voice.'

Feliciano smiled softly, laughter continuing to rise in his throat, the sudden mental image of the german boy freaking out infront of the computer coming into his head.

'Thank you,' he replied, 'But you don't think the message sounded to mean?'

'If I were you I would probably have been harder on them. I've seen some of those pictures and they are a little disturbing.'

Feliciano sighed slightly, nodding to himself.

'Yeah, they are a little odd.'

There was another pause before Ludwig spoke again.

'I can't believe it's you. No one's going to believe me.'

'That's kind of a good thing,' Feliciano stated, still smiling, 'Knowing my fans you'd probably get death threats.'

'They're teenage girls, I can handle it, I'm not scared of them.'

Feliciano giggled to himself.

'Do you want to bet?'

'There's no way to prove it.'

Feliciano hummed to himself in thinking.

'I have an idea. I can post a link to your profile and tells them you're my new friend, and we can see what happens?'

'That sounds interesting.'

Feliciano smiled widely getting up his fanpage again.

'Are you sure? You know they might make fanart of us.'

'I don't mind that. It will be like an experiment.'

Feliciano giggled as he wrote put another short message, 'Hey it's Feliciano again, I thought you should know I have a new best friend! I met Ludwig beilschmidt at one of my concerts and have become best friends since.'

'I did it. I want to know what happens!'

There was a pause again as Ludwig looked at the message.

'You said I was your best friend?'

Feliciano thought to himself, swinging slightly on his chair as he typed his reply.

'Well truthfully I don't have any friends that I don't work with, so you are my best non-work friend.'

'Oh,' 'wow,' 'ok.' Ludwig replied slowly.

'There's nothing wrong with that is there?'

'No, of course not. It's just unexpected.' Ludwig sent, 'I don't have many friends either.'

Feliciano let out a small 'aw', smiling softly.

'Why not? You seem very nice.'

'People just don't seem to like me. My brother doesn't help, he's terrible with people.'

Feliciano nodded, his eyes drifting to Romano.

'I know that feeling, Romano isn't good with people.'

'No but you are and that makes up for it.'

Feliciano smiled softly, feeling himself blush a little.

'Thank you. You say such nice things.'

'I'm only saying what I think is true. I've seen interviews with you and you seem so natural.'

Feliciano's blush became deeper, and his smile widened.

'Thank you' he said again, 'I always feel so nervous I'm glad it doesn't show, I get worried sometimes.'

'You shouldn't you conduct yourself very well.'

Feliciano bit his lip, trying again to hide his smile and failing, trying to think of how to continue the conversation, but Ludwig spoke first.

'I have 4 friend requests and 3 messages already.'

Feliciano giggled, clasping his hand to his mouth, it had only been 10 minutes.

'What do they say?'

'They are rude but no one's sent a death threat yet.'

Feliciano huffed slightly, giving his head a slight nod.

'See I said my fans were mean ):'

'I still can't believe I'm doing this.'

'What do you mean 'this'?'

'I mean talking to you. I never thought I would.'

Feliciano giggled, shifting excitedly on his chair again. He liked talking to Ludwig, Romano had always warned him against talking to fans but he could see no problem with Ludwig. Maybe Ludwig was different. Feliciano hoped he was.

'I never thought I would talk to a fan like this. It's really nice, I like talking to you.'

'Thank you, I really like talking to you too.'

Feliciano let out another small 'aw', tapping his feet on the floor and swinging on the chair.

"If you keep making noises like that I swear I'll slap you," Romano growled from his chair, turning up the volume on his tv.

Feliciano flinched slightly, looking between Romano and his computer screen, "Sorry fratello…"

"What are you doing anyway?" Romano asked, looking at Feliciano and raising an eyebrow, "I've not heard you make noises like that before."

"Nothing," Feliciano said quickly, shaking his head and forcing a smile.

Romano frowned, huffing and shaking his head, "We're stopping to get food, come off of that."

Feliciano nodded, frowning slightly and swallowing hard, part of him wishing he could continue talking.

'I have to go, I'm sorry.'

'That's ok. Will I get to talk to you again?'

Feliciano smiled, nodding to himself and biting his lip gently, closing everything but the conversation.

'I should be able to talk tomorrow at some point.'

'I'm looking forward to it.'

'Bye!'

'Bye.'


	3. Chapter 3

Ludwig kept glancing down at his phone, on the bus to school he rarely had anything to do, he had thought Feliciano would prove a nice distraction from the monotony but he hadn't said anything this morning.

For the past few days they had talked on and off, usually early in the morning when Feliciano had just got up, and mid afternoon when the celebrity had his lunch.

But Ludwig hadn't heard a hello from the boy this morning, it shouldn't worry him, but it did. What if something had happened over night?

He shook his head, his grip on the phone tightening, he shouldn't worry, they had probably just passed through a bad wifi area, and he'd be back on later.

He smiled slightly at his friends as he got off the bus, they sat waiting for him on the wall by the front doors.

"Hi," he said as he sat next to them, his phone still clutched tight in his hand. Part of him wanted to tell them, part of him wanted to keep it to himself, he knew hey would only pick on him for it, almost no one in his friend group liked Feliciano's music. It was something Ludwig had always tried to keep to himself.

"What's happening to your facebook, Ludwig?" one of the boys asked in a thick Japanese accent, "You've been getting really weird comments."

Ludwig nodded, glancing down at his phone, it seemed he would have to tell them. "I have been talking to uh, Feliciano Vargas, and some of his fans have found out and started talking to me."

One of the tallest boys laughed, "What? That little shit? How did you even meet him?"

"He started talking to me," Ludwig said through slightly gritted teeth, "I don't know."

The tall boy's eyes fixed on Ludwig's phone, "You have the conversation on facebook? Can I see?"

"No Mathias, you cannot. I'm not letting you look through my messages," Ludwig almost growled.

The boy huffed indignantly, "Why not? Is it embarrassing?" he raised an eyebrow, "What have you been talking about?"

The German shrugged, "Nothing, I just don't want you snooping."

"If it was nothing you wouldn't mind me looking, you're hiding something." The boy ran his fingers through his hair, pricking up some of the strands that had started to sag. "At least tell me you don't actually like that boy."

Ludwig nodded, staying quiet. He got to his feet as the bell rang and headed towards his first class.

The Japanese boy, Kiku, trotted after him. They had most of their classes together so they naturally spent most of their time together. Ludwig had become closer to him over the year than he had with any of the rest of his friend group even though he'd known them for most of his life.

"Are you ok, Ludwig?" he asked, "You seem on edge."

Ludwig nodded, "I'm fine, I just don't want them reading my conversation."

Kiku nodded in understanding, "Mathias doesn't seem to have a grasp on the concept of privacy."

Ludwig bit his lip, "If the bell hadn't rung I think he would have snatched my phone."

"That would have been very rude of him..." Kiku said, looking down at his feet as they walked, "I must say I am curious though."

Ludwig frowned slightly, "You want to read it?"

Kiku half shrugged and nodded, "A little... I actually quite like the music. It would just be interesting. I understand if you don't want to though, it is a private conversation."

Ludwig nodded, sighing to himself and weighing in his head if it would be a good idea. "Don't tell anyone Kiku, you can't tell anyone."

Kiku nodded, "I know, I would never."

Ludwig bit his lip and got the conversation up on his phone, handing it to Kiku and letting him read over it.

Kiku smiled as he read, making sure to be quick so Ludwig wouldn't feel embarrassed, giving back the phone when he was done. "He's very nice," Kiku noted, "I expected him to be more spoiled."

Ludwig shook his head, looking down at the phone with a small smile ghosting his face, "No. He's very nice, he's very interesting."

Kiku nodded, "I can see that. ...You like him a lot?" he inquired quietly, not wanting to put Ludwig on edge.

Ludwig nodded, seeming almost shy, "I do."

"Are you going to get to see him again?" Kiku inquired, seeming to push himself to ask and being rather forceful as he did.

Ludwig nodded, the thought bringing a smile to his face. "We have talked about it, before he leaves the country at the end of the month."

Kiku nodded, his eyes fixing on Ludwig's shoes, "Will you be seeing him as, uh… more than friends?"

Ludwig frowned and shook his head, almost startled by the question, "What? No," he tried to hold back a smile, running his hand through his hair, "What would give you the idea that I'm… Are you trying to insult me?"

Kiku shook his head quickly, waving his hands to force his point, "No! No of course not, Ludwig, I wouldn't…It's just, I've never seen you so excited about seeing someone, I've never seen you talk with anyone the way you talk with him, I have read the conversations."

Ludwig frowned and huffed, biting his lip, "Of course not, he's just a friend…" His frowned softened and he exhaled slightly, shaking his head lightly, leaning himself against the wall, "I don't know. I have tried to bring it up with him but he keeps avoiding the subject." He smiled softly, his gaze dropping, "I really enjoy talking with him, everything he says makes me happy."

Kiku smiled sadly and nodded, a breath gently leaving him as the teacher appeared and unlocked the classroom door. "Then I am happy for you, Ludwig."

Ludwig gave a slightly frown of confusion, pausing momentarily before pursuing Kiku into the room, unsure of why Kiku would say that in that tone, "What do you mean? I didn't ask for approval."

Kiku sat at his desk, his eyes avoiding Ludwig's still as he fiddled with his bag. He had no idea how to word himself without sounding creepy. "I didn't mean anything like that. I am happy for you, but I never expected you to end up with-"

"With another boy?" Ludwig finished the sentence, "You think that because I look like this, and have friends like mine that I-"

"No," Kiku insisted loudly, causing the teacher to glance round. They waited until he returned to his papers before continuing. "I just never expected you to end up with someone less bubbly, more calm."

Ludwig shifted slightly, "I like him, he is always happy," he looked up, frowning, "And I'm not going to 'end up with him', he is a celebrity, he won't want someone like me."

Kiku let out a small laugh, almost a scoff, "Ludwig," he hook his head, "You are perfect, why would anyone not want you? I would be ecstatic-" The boy bit his lip, knowing he had said too much, he cleared his throat and turned to his books.

Ludwig paused for a moment, watching Kiku fumble with his things, "Kiku why are you talking like that? I've never know you to be…" Ludwig huffed slightly, unsure how to finish the sentence.

"It doesn't matter Ludwig," Kiku said shortly, hunching himself over, "Forget I said anything."

The German frowned and bit his lip, partially unsure if he should push the conversation. "Kiku tell me," he urged, leaning over his desk.

"No, Ludwig, please, I said it doesn't matter," Kiku said quietly, trying to hide the blush on his face, trying to calm himself, the last thing he wanted was a panic attack.

"Kiku," Ludwig stuttered, an odd feeling ebbing in his chest, "Do you-Are you…?" he huffed again, no idea how to lay out his question.

Kiku shook his head, "I don't want to talk about it Ludwig, it doesn't mean anything. I didn't say anything."

Ludwig let out a small moan, chewing on his lip and deciding not to continue asking questions, staring blankly at the back of Kiku's head as he filled out his work and tried to forget the conversation had taken place.

He kept looking down at his phone, looking over the conversation and wondering if Feliciano would contact him soon, it was far later now than he usually contacted him, and Ludwig was starting to worry.

Maybe he should send the first message this time? He swallowed hard as he typed out his hello, 'It's getting late, are you still not up?'

He waited a few minutes, glancing down at his phone and waiting for his reply, frowning every time he didn't see one.

His heart leapt as his phone buzzed over 10 minutes later, he grinned at the sight of the Italian's name.

'I'm sorry, we were allowed to sleep in today because we have no performance tonight!'

Ludwig grinned, hiding his phone under his desk as he typed out his reply, 'That's good, you need a day off to rest your throat. What are you doing tonight?'

'I don't know. I think Romano wants to go out drinking but I'm not old enough to do that.'

Ludwig tried not to laugh, biting hard on his lip to stop noise escaping. 'Where are you? I could give you ideas for something to do?'

'We're in the city next to where I met you, I don't know how to spell the name.'

Ludwig's eyes widened, that was his city. 'That's where I live,' he stated dumbly, typing and sending the sentence without really thinking.

Feliciano replied with an exclamation mark, followed by 'You could show me round!'

Ludwig stared at the screen, his mouth lulling open in a happy grin, he swore to himself before answering 'That would be great. Would you be allowed?'

'I'm sure my brother wouldn't mind, he doesn't really need to know the specifics of what I'm doing.'

Ludwig squeaked slightly and smiled, shifting on his chair through joy, holding back the urge to scream. 'Ok,' he said, his mind blanking. 'Where should we meet?'

A few minutes passed, during which Ludwig tried to do some work, unable to focus on the sentences on the page due to the happiness filling him.

'You go to the public school?' Feliciano's answer read, 'The one in the centre of the town?'

'Yes,' Ludwig replied, frowning slightly, partially hoping Feliciano wasn't planning what he suspected.

'I can meet you out the front. I have nothing else to do today.'

'I have school for another 5 hours," Ludwig replied, 'But I can meet you after.'

Feliciano sent a smiley face, 'I can wait 5 hours.'

Ludwig smiled softly, cradling the phone in his fingers as he thought of a reply. 'Go to the cinema, watch a film while you wait.'

Feliciano sent and exclamation mark, 'That sounds wonderful. …Send me a message when your schools almost over!'

'Ok, I will.' Ludwig replied, still trying not to smile, 'I'll see you later.'


	4. Chapter 4

Feliciano stretched as he came out of the cinema, smiling to himself and blinking rapidly in the soft sun. The film had been nice, it was in German though so he hadn't been able to understand a thing, luckily he'd seen it three times already so he knew what was happening regardless and he just sat there laughing at how funny Germans sounded.

He looked down at his phone, Ludwig had send him a message, presumably during his lunch, 'I'm looking forward to seeing you, this'll be fun,' the message read. Feliciano smiled to himself, finding a wooden bench to sit on outside the cinema as he waited for his bodyguard to come out of the restroom.

'My film is over, I don't know what to do now… I could come and disrupt your lesson?' he typed in reply. He didn't receive an answer, he let out a small huff and decided to browse the internet. He soon found that, as they had speculated, Feliciano's fangirls had indeed started drawing fan art of Feliciano and Ludwig together. He could barely stand looking at anything more than kissing.

The idea made him blush, he had a hard enough time not imagining it without fangirls pushing it in his face.

There was something about Ludwig, everything he said made Feliciano smile, he couldn't stop himself looking at the photos on his facebook page, he had even saved a few to his phone.

It would be such a bad idea for him to pursue it though. This was his first friendship outside of work, he was probably just over excited due to that, and his mind was overcompensating for the fact that he'd not had a girl or boyfriend in almost two years, and the last one he had had was just for publicity.

He didn't want Ludwig to think he was doing it for publicity, it was the complete opposite of that, he wasn't sure why, but wanted to keep this secret, it was their relationship, no one else's, he regretted making their friendship public, he wouldn't let anything else get out.

This was probably the only thing he'd ever had that was just his.

He smiled as his bodyguard reappeared, "Hi, Berwald" he said as he got to his feet, "Um… I think I'd like to go shopping, I'm meeting someone later, I thought I might buy them a present."

The taller man nodded in response, "Lead the way," he said lowly, a small smile coming to his face as he followed the child down the road; he preferred watching over Feliciano, he was so much more polite than his brother.

Feliciano walked round the shops, trying to find something nice for Ludwig, something small and delicate, he settled on getting him a notebook, small with blue purple and silver details, it looked like something someone would get tattooed on their arm, Feliciano thought it was pretty and for some reason thought Ludwig would like it.

He wrote a small note on the inside, 'My best friend Ludwig, from Feliciano'. He didn't want to put in anything too heartfelt, after all he didn't know if Ludwig felt the same way, and the thought of his feelings being unrequited almost killed him.

He smiled up at his bodyguard as they walked out of the shop, "I'm going to see my friend now, you can walk with me to his school but when he comes out I'd like you to leave," he said, trying to sound as polite and as not pushy as possible. He knew he wasn't meant to be left alone, but he trusted Ludwig.

Berwald huffed and nodded, "Ok," he said, softer than Feliciano expected. He'd never seen the young man so excited and he didn't want to ruin it for him.

Feliciano smiled in surprise, nodding as he began to walk towards the school.

Ludwig got up from the seat of his last class, taking out his phone immediately to check if Feliciano had messaged him, happy to see that he had. 'No don't buy me anything' he replied instantly, 'you don't have to buy me anything!'

'Too late!' Feliciano replied, 'I'm outside, where are you?'

Ludwig bit his lip to hide a smile, 'I'm still in my class,' 'I'm packing,' 'I'll just be a minute.'

"You're really meeting him?" Kiku asked, trying to sound nonchalant, "Today?"

Ludwig nodded, still trying to stay calm and not seem too happy, "He's waiting for me outside," he informed him, "Do you want to come and say hello?" he asked politely.

Kiku's eyes widened slightly, "Are you sure? Ludwig, I-" he smiled softly, "I'd like that very much… it's a good idea to have someone with you when you first meet an online friend, just to make sure they are who they say."

Ludwig let out a small chuckle, throwing his bag over his shoulder and walking out the room, Kiku swift on his heels, "I know Feliciano is who he says he is, no one can act that well."

The smaller man nodded, letting out a tiny huff, "You can't be sure Ludwig, how would you feel if you had been tricked? If something happened to you…" he cut himself off, gritting his teeth slightly.

Ludwig frowned down at him, "Kiku…is something wrong? I know you think this is a bad idea, but he's my friend."

Kiku looked down at his feet, "…I'm your friend too, Ludwig. He's all you've talked about today, you didn't even ask how I was."

Ludwig frowned, that was true, but he'd been excited to have a new friend, Kiku knew already that Ludwig did this sometimes when he found a new interest.

"I'm sorry, Kiku," Ludwig said gently, "I didn't mean to," he frowned softly, disappointed in himself, he didn't know it was so obvious.

Kiku huffed and nodded, "I know you're just overexcited… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."

Ludwig shook his head, his good mood considerably lessened, "It's ok Kiku, don't worry about it."

They walked the rest of the way in silence, Ludwig chewing his lip to stop himself smiling, he still felt happy of course, but now he felt guilty about it. Part of him wished he hadn't invited Kiku to meet him.

He looked around for Feliciano as he exited the building, unable to see him. He looked down as his phone bleeped, another message from the Italian, 'I see you!'

As he read it he heard a shout from his left, and felt something slam into him, he let out a slight grunt and turned his head, seeing his idol clasped to his side, pulling him into a tight hug.

"Ludwig!" the smaller man shouted, looking up at him and beginning to jabber in Italian, "I got so worried you weren't coming, I've been waiting almost 20 minutes I got so bored Ludwig." He chuckled, "I've been looking forward to this for so long, I missed talking to you properly today," he pulled out of the hug, patting Ludwig's arm, "But I am seeing you in real life! It's amazing!"

Ludwig grinned, letting out a small chuckle and running his hand through his hair in disbelief. He had just hugged him, Feliciano Vargas had just hugged him, Feliciano Vargas had just told him he'd missed him, he couldn't believe it, he could barely bring himself to speak.

"Feliciano," he managed to say, his voice shaking along with the rest of his body.

Feliciano giggled and nodded, grinning almost as widely as Ludwig was. He was used to this kind of reaction but not from someone he admired in return. "…Who is your friend?" he asked politely, smiling at Kiku.

Kiku bowed his head slightly and held out his hand, "Kiku Honda, it's so nice to meet you sir, I admire your work."

Feliciano giggled again, shaking his hand enthusiastically, "You speak Italian!" Feliciano said happily, "Are you Japanese? That's so funny, your accent is so strange, it's worse than Ludwig's."

Ludwig couldn't help feeling a small pang of jealousy as he listened to Kiku talk, he knew he didn't really care for Feliciano… at least he was being polite, but Kiku was always polite to strangers.

"Feliciano," Ludwig said again, taking the man's attention back, "I almost didn't expect you to come, I-I am so happy you could do."

Feliciano nodded, he let out a small hum and held out the plastic bag he'd been holding, "Here, I got you something." He smiled as Ludwig took the bag and opened it, waiting for his reaction.

Ludwig pulled the notebook out and looked at it, flicking through the pages, his eyes widening, "…This is fantastic, Feliciano, you didn't have to, I-I didn't get you anything."

The smaller man shook his head, "I don't expect anything Ludwig, I had time to shop, you've been in school, it's ok," he giggled, "You can buy me some coffee if you want?"

Ludwig nodded softly, he still couldn't believe this was happening, "…Shall we go then? There's a Starbucks down the road."

Feliciano nodded, still smiling happily, he took Ludwig by the arm, pulling it close to his chest, "Ok let's go, you can lead the way," he held the man's hand tight, taking away his breath.

Ludwig looked back at Kiku, not wanting to leave him out, but not wanting him to come with them, he wanted some privacy, he wanted to sit with Feliciano by himself and listen to him talk, he didn't want anyone else there, just them.

Kiku gave them a small and obviously fake smile, "I have to go home," he said shortly, trying not to sound annoyed, and failing.

Feliciano looked back at him and waved in goodbye, "…What's wrong with him?" he asked softly, squeezing Ludwig's arm, "Is he always like that?"

Ludwig shook his head, "No… I don't know why he's acting so strangely."

"Oh…" Feliciano frowned softly, "I hope he's ok."

"I think he might like me," Ludwig said quietly, looking down at his feet, "And he feels upset that I'm…friends with you."

Feliciano looked back at Kiku, watching him walk off, "Oh no, I'm sorry… I hope I don't ruin your friendship. I don't want to make any trouble."

Ludwig bit his lip and nodded, leading Feliciano towards the nearby coffee shop. He didn't want to continue talking about Kiku, but he knew it was a subject he couldn't run from forever, it would come up eventually.

"I don't like him back," Ludwig settled on saying, "I'm just his friend, I don't want anything more from him."

Feliciano smiled up at him softly and nodded, "That's ok, you don't have to like everyone who likes you," he bit his lip slightly, glancing away, "But…" he smiled softly, "What about me?"

Ludwig felt himself slow, his grip on Feliciano's hand slackening, "What about you?"

Feliciano nodded, a slight blush coming to his face, "Yeah... Do... Do you like me?"


	5. Chapter 5

Ludwig swallowed hard, clearing his throat as he led Feliciano to a table for two by the window, he bit his lip, suddenly unable to look Feliciano in the eye.

"What would you like..?" he asked sheepishly, barely moving his lips.

Feliciano looked up at him, taking a seat, his mouth lulled open slightly, "Uh… just a latte please," he replied equally quietly.

Ludwig nodded and turned to walk to the counter to order, leaving Feliciano behind to ponder what had happened.

Ludwig hadn't answered him. Was that a no? Was that a bad thing? He shouldn't have asked, it was too soon, he hadn't been thinking, he should have kept his mouth shut, he felt like such an idiot, so embarrassed.

A similar thought track ran through Ludwig's mind: he should have said something, why hadn't he? He didn't want Feliciano to think he didn't like him. He'd have to reply when he got to the table, he had to say something to let him know he wasn't indifferent to him.

He ordered himself a caramel macchiato and Feliciano a latte, glancing back at him, his heart sinking at the odd look on his face. He had to tell him when he got back.

He bit his lip as he returned to the table, trying hard not to spill their drinks as he placed them on the surface, inhaling slowly and preparing himself to speak.

"Why didn't you answer..?" Feliciano voiced before Ludwig could speak, looking up at him briefly as he took his latte.

Ludwig swallowed hard, now unable to use the line he'd planned out in his head, sitting down and pulling his coffee to him, shifting uncomfortably as planned out his sentence.

"I just…" he began, still looking down at his drink, "Don't want to come off too strong. Even if you were to like me back, I don't want you to think I'm liking you just because you're famous." He bit his lip, holding back a smile, "I like you because you're a really nice man."

Feliciano perked up instantly, "I'm not a man yet," he said, smiling, "I like you too, I think you're very nice." He took a sip of his drink and let out a small happy huff before his continued, moving his leg under the table to rub the German's foot with his own. "I really like talking with you, you're interesting and you make me laugh."

"…I make you laugh?" Ludwig asked, frowning softly and sipping his own drink.

Feliciano nodded, "Yeah! You're really funny and you don't even know it, Ludwig."

Ludwig smiled, nodding softly, "I like talking to you too. You're always so upbeat, it makes me smile."

Feliciano chuckled softly, bowing his head a little to hide the wide smile on his face, "So we both like each other?" he said happily, "…What does that mean?"

The taller man swallowed hard, biting back a smile himself, he exhaled slowly and looked down at his cup, playing with a drop of coffee that had spilled over the rim. "I don't know if we could be boyfriends…" he said gently.

"Why not..?" Feliciano asked, his smile drooping, "If we both like each other, isn't that what's meant to happen?"

Ludwig nodded, "Ja, normally, but… this wouldn't be a normal relationship, Feliciano. You're on the road all the time, you don't even live in this country, or speak my language. I don't know if it would work for very long…"

Feliciano squeaked softly, looking away and taking another sip of his drink, trying to hide how much that had hurt him, "…I would still like to try anyway. We can video chat on the internet and we talk all the time already, I don't see how it would be different."

"Video chat..?" Ludwig said to himself, nodding softly, he looked him up and down slowly, lowering his voice, "…Our relationship would stay the same, we would just call each other 'boyfriend'?"

The smaller man nodded happily, letting out a squeak in agreement, "And I can come over sometimes, I come to Germany once a month at least anyway, I can see you then, and we can go out together!"

He nodded, still keeping his eyes on the Italian, "Ok, it wouldn't be too bad to try at least. If we agree it doesn't work then we can remain friends."

Feliciano nodded, smiling widely. He drank the last of his coffee and set down his cup, rubbing Ludwig's foot under the table, slightly disappointed that the action seemed to be going unnoticed.

Ludwig smiled in return, putting down his own empty cup and tapping his fingers on its side. "We should go for a walk, or something, there's a river near by, it's very pretty."

The other man chuckled, pulling his foot away and getting to his feet, "Si, let's go," he glanced over as some more people, a group of girls, entered the shop, "We should leave before someone recognises me, go somewhere quiet. It'll be nice."

Ludwig raised himself from his chair, his urge to leave growing as the girls set their eyes on Feliciano. He didn't want them to crowd him, to take his attention, as selfish as it sounded.

Feliciano took his hand and pulled him towards the door, smiling back at him as he led him through the doors.

"We're going to the river?" Ludwig asked tentatively, "We could go somewhere else if you want?"

The Italian shook his head, "The river will be fine, it sounds romantic…"

Ludwig bit his lip, turning his head to hide his blush, "Ja… It is I suppose, but," he forced a small chuckle, "I was suggesting it because the rest of the place is kind of a dump."

"Then why did you say we should go somewhere else? If the river is the nicest part?"

Ludwig shrugged, looking at his feet, "I don't know… I just want to do what you want to."

He jolted softly as he felt Feliciano squeeze his hand, he bit his lip and squeezed back, looking down at him as they walked towards the river.

"I don't know what I want to do," the smaller man said, "I don't know this place, you could take me anywhere and still be happy," he let out a small 'uh', "As long as it's no where dangerous. My brother would kill me if I got hurt and couldn't preform tomorrow."

Ludwig nodded in understanding, slowing as they came to the river, "I suppose it is your livelyhood." He smiled softly as Feliciano swung their hands, giving a small hum as he looked up and down the river. "Would you like to sit down, or walk a bit?"

Feliciano shrugged, grinning widely, "Walking would be nice." He gave the taller man's hand a small tug as he began to walk down the path, looking down the small slope that led to the water and letting out a small gasp. "Look Ludwig, ducklings," he cooed, stopping and crouching, watching them play.

Ludwig crouched next to him, looking over at them, smiling at the boy's fascination. When they'd first met part of him had expected Feliciano to be spoiled or stuck up, but having got to know him he seemed so innocent and sweet.

He couldn't believe how lucky he was, there were thousands of people who would give anything to meet Feliciano let alone have him as their boyfriend.

The realisation of it hadn't fully hit him yet but he was sure it would once they parted, he could feel it starting to spark in his stomach, a small flame of happiness warming him which he was sure would explode out of him in a fit once he allowed himself to accept it.

But there was no way in hell he'd let himself show that in front of the Italian, partially through fear of scaring him off.

His trance was broken as Feliciano let out a small chuckle, pulling away and standing up. Ludwig followed him, holding a grin back as Feliciano took his hand again.

"We should keep walking," Ludwig said softly, "Before the mother gets mad." Feliciano nodded walking along the path, glancing back at the ducks. "…Does it bother you?" Ludwig began to ask, "How all the girls are obsessed with you. I saw the way they looked at you in the coffee shop."

Feliciano shrugged, "Not really… Maybe a little but you get used to it. Plus I make them happy and I like that, but being photographed all the time is kind of annoying I guess." He smiled softly, "I hope it doesn't worry you. Most of what we do other people will talk about."

Ludwig frowned, he knew it wouldn't be easy to keep their private life private, but they could still try.

"It's ok," he said sharply, "It's part of being with you. I might not like it as much as the other bits, but you take the good and the bad."

Feliciano nodded, smiling softly and pressing himself against Ludwig's side, "Yeah… I don't mind the bad bits."

Ludwig smiled and nodded, wrapping his arm around the smaller man, feeling him nuzzle into him slightly, "Me either."

Feliciano hummed contently, but jolted soddenly as the phone in his pocket began to ring. He pulled out his phone and looked at the screen, it was his alarm, telling him to go back to the tour bus.

"…I have to go back," he said sadly, pressing himself harder against Ludwig's side, as if he wanted more than anything to stay.

Ludwig let out a small huff as they stopped in the middle of the path, "Ok," he said weakly.

They turned and walked back towards the centre of the town, Feliciano nuzzling against Ludwig's side as they walked, Ludwig pulling him closer and squeezing him softly.

"Ludwig," Feliciano asked softly as the got to the end of the sort path, smiling and blushing slightly as he pulled away, "…Can we kiss? Before I leave…"

Ludwig bit his lip, watching as Feliciano turn to face him.

"Please," the smaller man said quietly.

Ludwig nodded, placing his hand on Feliciano's hip and bending down slightly to peck his lips, closing his eyes for a moment before pulling away.

Feliciano smiled up at him, blushing deeply and giggling. He swayed slightly on his feet and pulled Ludwig down into another quick kiss before pulling away. "I'll talk to you when I get back on the bus," he said softly, lingering for a second before beginning to walk off.


	6. Chapter 6

Ludwig read through their past conversations, he'd already read through the required chapters and was now sitting there bored.

Re-reading conversations was nice, it made him smile.

It had been almost three months since he'd last seen Feliciano, and they'd been talking constantly. They'd come so far, grown so close, it was amazing. He loved Feliciano so much, he'd not told him that yet, but he planned to when they next met up.

It was growing closer by the day, Feliciano had told him they could meet up on the 18th, only three days away now.

He couldn't stop smiling.

He looked up as the bell rang, and the teacher said they could leave.

Ludwig turned to Kiku, smiling softly at him, "Do you need to buy food today or did you bring lunch?"

"I brought lunch," Kiku said coldly.

He'd been acting strange since Ludwig had told him that he and Feliciano were going out. He'd stopped contacting Ludwig outside of school and seemed to be trying to distance himself inside of school.

Ludwig was sure that the only reason he still sat with him at lunch was because he had no one else to talk to.

Honestly Ludwig felt almost insulted by how he was acting, the fact that Ludwig wasn't interested in him shouldn't affect their friendship this much, it was ridiculous.

"Do you want to go to the hall or sit out on the grass?" Ludwig asked politely, swinging his bag over his shoulder and beginning to walk towards the door.

Kiku looked out the window as he finished putting his books in his bag, "It's a nice day, I think I'd like to sit out on the grass."

Ludwig nodded, waiting for the smaller man to catch up and beginning to walk with him down the hall.

"I saw you on your phone," Kiku said absentmindedly, "Were you talking to Feliciano? I thought you didn't talk to him while you were at school?"

Ludwig shook his head, "I don't, but I have conversations saved on my phone, I read them when I'm bored."

Kiku let out a small huff, nodding and walking out onto the green, "I thought you would have broken up by now. I never thought you'd be interested in a long distance relationship."

Ludwig shrugged as they picked a spot of ground to sit on, crossing his legs and pulling his bag too him. "No, we're going very strongly, in my opinion."

"How do you know," Kiku said, pulling out his own lunch, "He's famous, he might do this with lots of people and you wouldn't know."

Ludwig grit his teeth, "Kiku, I'm not getting into this again. I told you, Feliciano wouldn't do that, he's sweet and kind," he let out a small breath, "And I think I love him, Kiku."

Kiku frowned, his breath hitching slightly, "You love him?" He shook his head, "Ludwig you've only met him once. You are rushing into this. I wasn't happy about it in the first place I-I," he huffed again, "You're not in a real relationship, Ludwig, he's not really your boyfriend all you do is text him."

Ludwig glared at him, his fist clenching, he'd known to expect this sort of reaction from him.

"We don't only text, he's my boyfriend, I love him Kiku."

Kiku stared at him, almost glaring. "I don't believe you," he said softly, "…I don't think this is going to go well Ludwig, but I can't exactly stop you. He's going to break your heart."

Ludwig huffed angrily, shaking his head and gaining speed, "I said I'm not talking about it. You're wrong Kiku."

He broke away from the smaller boy, his frown hardening as he walked out into the school grounds, he looked back towards the grey double doors to make sure Kiku hadn't followed him, letting out a soft and shuddering exhale as he walked down to the sports field, finding a bench to sit on.

It was so difficult to talk to Kiku now, Kiku who had once been Ludwig's best friend, willing to support him through anything, he was so cold towards him now, Ludwig had almost expected it but still it had come as a shock.

The boy simply didn't seem to understand that it was possible to hold a long distance relationship without the other person betraying you. Or maybe he did know it was possible and was trying to plant seeds of doubt in Ludwig's mind.

It wouldn't work, Ludwig wouldn't let the hollow words get to him, they had no basis in fact.

Ludwig laid back on the bench, pulling his dark coloured lunchbox out of his similarly coloured bag and beginning to eat. He looked over the field, watching some of the younger boys as they played football.

As he finished eating he pulled his phone out again, looking around to make sure no one could see him as he held the object limply in his hand.

He swallowed hard as he selected Feliciano's number and dialled, hoping that he would pick up.

He felt his heart skip at the sound of his ever-cheery voice.

"Ludwig!" Feliciano said happily, his smile reverberating down the phone and immediately infecting Ludwig.

"Hi Feliciano," Ludwig almost cooed in reply, leaning forward in his seat and resting his elbow on his knee, "I just," he shrugged to himself, absentmindedly playing with the hem of his shirt, "Wanted to say hello."

He heard a small giggle down the phone and the sound of the boy shifting in his seat, "Ludwig," Feliciano said softly, "You never call in school unless something has upset you," he paused for a moment, "What's wrong..?"

Ludwig sighed softly, "…I miss you, that's all," he said after a short pause, that was in truth correct; he missed him whenever anyone brought him up, so much so that he became almost angry.

"Well what happened to make you miss me?"

Ludwig sighed softly, "Kiku," he almost groaned, "He's just," he huffed softly, "He's getting on my nerves, he keeps saying that you're not really my boyfriend, and that we're probably going to break up soon… I can't wait to see you Feliciano, it's been too long."

"Ludwig," Feliciano cooed, his voice soft and forgiving, "I'll see you in three days, that's not long."

Ludwig frowned, shaking his head, "But it's three days of /that/, of dealing with comments like that. It's not just Kiku, it's… everyone, no one believes what I tell them. At first I didn't care but it's getting to me now."

Feliciano sighed down the phone as he thought, running the information round in his head, "I can't get to you sooner." He let out a small whine, "I'm sorry Ludwig, I don't want you to be upset."

Ludwig mimicked his sigh, closing his eyes and letting himself float on Feliciano's voice for a moment, not really caring what he said, just revelling in the compassionate and otherwise happy tone.

"Feliciano," he said, cutting Feliciano's sentence.

"Si?" Feliciano yipped, knowing Ludwig must want to say something important if he'd interrupted.

Ludwig let out a soft hum, smiling, his eyes still closed, "…I think I love you."

He became uneasy at the silence down the phone, opening his eyes and swallowing hard, straightening himself up, "I-I wanted to tell you in person, but I can't wait three days, I felt I needed to tell you."

Feliciano let out a small happy squeak down the phone, and began nattering as if a floodgate had just opened inside him.

"Ludwig I love you too, I've never felt this way about anyone I never felt so happy talking to someone as I do when I talk to you-"

He let Feliciano speak, giving small grunts of recognition and agreement, every now and then saying he felt the same.

He couldn't keep the smile from his face, nothing else mattered now, he felt as if all the nagging from everyone else suddenly meant nothing, because Feliciano loved him back. Almost nothing could ruin his day now, nothing could ruin his mood.


	7. Chapter 7

Feliciano looked out across the car park as it began to fill, there were 2 hours before the concert started and people were already beginning to line up. Ludwig had yet to arrive, Feliciano could see the reserved parking space from his dressing room window and it was still empty.

He swallowed hard, turning back into the room, tonight was a big night, not only was it the last night of the tour but it would be Ludwig's first time meeting Romano.

For some reason Feliciano felt almost scared by the fact Ludwig would be watching him tonight. He'd never felt nerves like this and it was worrying him. He paced his room, hoping Ludwig would show up soon and hoping he wouldn't be late.

It was Ludwig's first time backstage at a concert, or so he'd said, Feliciano was so excited to have him here he could almost not believe it. He'd not see Ludwig in almost three months, he wanted more than anything to hug him.

"Feliciano you should eat something." Feliciano hadn't even noticed Romano had come in. "You look pale, you can't get sick tonight," the older brother pushed.

Feliciano nodded, "Yes, Romano…" he sighed softly, looking back towards the window, "I think I'm just nervous."

"Oh," Romano said shortly, "Well don't be, this is no different to you other concerts, being nervous is stupid."

Feliciano nodded, swallowing again, he sighed after a moment, "It's because Ludwig's coming, I'm just excited to see him."

Romano rolled his eyes, "Whatever, just don't get sick. I'll go find some food."

Feliciano nodded as Romano left, hearing him close the door as he looked back to the window, he knew Romano wasn't happy about him dating Ludwig, they'd talked about it before, Feliciano's sexuality made him uncomfortable and the fact he was open about it to the public made him even more uncomfortable.

Though Feliciano was sure that the reason Romano was so uncomfortable with his sexuality was because he was in denial about his own. He'd been on Romano's computer, he'd seen the browser history, he knew everything Romano was trying to hide.

Perhaps seeing Feliciano so happy with Ludwig would help Romano accept himself? He could hope that would be the case.

He let out a small gasp at the sight of a silver car pulling into the reserved space. He giggled and bounced on his feet, whispering cheers to himself.

He left the room and quickly made his way to the back exit, opening it and looking across the car park, smiling briefly at one of the large men guarding the entrance. He looked out and saw Ludwig and his blond haired brother walking toward them. Ludwig looked so handsome, he was dressed in a smart white shirt and dark trousers, Feliciano in his pale blue hoodie and skinny jeans felt scruffy in comparison.

"Feli!" Ludwig yelled, jogging up to him and pulling him into a tight hug. Feliciano let out a squeak and hugged back tight, jumping up and down in happiness.

"Ludwig! I missed you so much!" Feliciano squealed, pulling the taller man into a kiss, wrapping his arms around his neck. "I missed you…"

Ludwig held Feliciano's hips, smiling down at him. "I missed you too," he let out a small chuckle, blushing visibly, "I missed you so much."

The brother rolled his eyes, scoffing slightly, "Ok come on love birds, it's fucking cold out here, I am freezing." He patted Ludwig's back, walking past them and into the building.

Ludwig nodded and pulled away, smiling and taking Feliciano's hand, "You look pale," he observed, "Are you ok?"

Feliciano nodded as they began to walk into the building, "I'm fine, I just haven't had anything to eat," he let out a small chuckle, pulling himself closer to Ludwig so their sides brushed together as they walked to his dressing room, "I've been too excited and nervous."

"You've been nervous?" Ludwig said in disbelief, unable to wipe the happy smile from his face, "You should have seen me, I've been shaking all day."

Gilbert scoffed out a soft chuckle, "He's been dressed and ready for this since 10 am, and he spent almost three hours in the bathroom fixing his hair."

Ludwig blushed, "That wasn't all I was doing Gil."

The man chuckled in response, shaking his head, "You want to be careful how you word that." He looked around as they got to the dressing room, admiring the scale of the room for a moment before he noticed the ungodly mess of clothes and bags that covered the floor, he gurned slightly in near disgust, "Well, I'll leave you two alone to get reacquainted, I'm going to find some food."

Feliciano nodded as Gilbert left, he would have asked him to bring some back for him, but he knew his brother was out looking too, and didn't feel he should put him out, he wanted to make a good impression.

"Ludwig," Feliciano cooed as the door closed, pulling him into another hug and kissing him again, "I missed being with you… I didn't realise how long three months was."

Ludwig hummed and kissed back, "Every night after before we said goodbye I wished I could hug you and kiss you like this." He sighed softly, holding him close and inhaling his scent, hoping it would stick to his clothes.

The smaller boy nodded against his chest, it was amazing, he thought, how comfortable Ludwig seemed to be feeling, he'd seemed to feel so awkward the last time they met up.

"So how are you today?" Ludwig cooed, "Other than nervous."

Feliciano looked up into his eyes, he'd forgotten how handsome the taller boy was and it almost took his breath, making him stutter a little, "Good, I've just been excited to see you…" he huffed and shook his head, "I didn't realise how much I missed you, I-I feel like I'm going to cry."

Ludwig hugged him tight and chuckled, "No, Feli, that's because you're hungry," he looked around the room, "I thought the venue was meant to feed you?"

Feliciano nodded, looking towards the door, "Yes, Romano went off to get some a while ago… He must have found someone to talk to."

He pulled himself away and sat down on one of the comfy chairs, smiling at Ludwig and gesturing for him to take a seat which he did after a moment, pulling it closer so he could hold Feliciano's hand as he sat.

"…Perhaps I should go after him?" Ludwig suggested as he sat, looking over towards the door, "It's not fair for you to be left waiting."

Feliciano shook his head, "No, he doesn't react well to strangers telling him what to do, especially Germans," he gave an apologetic smile, "…I don't understand his problem with German people…"

Ludwig frowned, he knew Romano was… standoffish, for want of a better word, but he seemed almost spoilt the way Feliciano sometimes talked about him, everything had to be his way or else.

But part of him suspected that was why they were so famous, he had to admire him for it.

"He shouldn't keep you waiting," Ludwig said softly, trying not to sound put off.

Feliciano shook his head, "It's ok, I don't mind, I know he wouldn't do it if he didn't have to."

He smiled at the taller man, it was so nice to have someone other than his brother show genuine concern for him. Of course other people 'cared' but they cared for their own investment, not for Feliciano's wellbeing.

Ludwig nodded, squeezing Feliciano's hand, "Ok," he smiled, exhaling happily, he shook his heads, "I can't believe I'm sitting in your dressing room, I'm backstage at a concert," he chuckled weakly, "I've wanted this for three years…"

Feliciano giggled, "Ludwig you're so cute. I love you so much…"

Ludwig looked him up and down, his smile softening, "I love you too."

They jolted as they heard the door open, laughing and chattering coming from the other side. Romano entered with a plate of food, Gilbert following behind.

"Hey little brother," Gilbert half-sang, shoving his mouth full of food, "I met this guy outside he says he's Feliciano's brother. He had food so…" his voice trailed off as he chewed and he gave a small shrug.

Feliciano nodded and smiled, standing up and taking the plate from his brother, beginning to eat quickly, letting out small happy moans as he ate which forced Ludwig's smile to grow wider.

Feliciano was so handsome, Ludwig could barely believe it, he was so happy, and the night could only get better.


	8. Chapter 8

Ludwig couldn't stop smiling, screaming along with the crowd as he watched from the side of the stage, totally enthralled by the atmosphere. Feliciano was singing particularly well tonight, and Ludwig couldn't quite shake the feeling that it was because he was there, the small boy kept looking back at him, smiling at him happily, it was as if Feliciano was singing for him. He couldn't believe it, his heart was soaring, he'd never felt a high like this.

He couldn't see the crowd, everything but the navy coloured stage was blacked out, but he could hear the excited screams, he knew they didn't feel anywhere near as euphoric as him, they couldn't imagine how he felt.

His eyes widened as Feliciano walked the stage towards him, holding out his hand, Ludwig's body went numb, he couldn't feel as Feliciano took his hand and pulled him on stage, he froze, he didn't know what to do. He heard Feliciano laugh and was pulled his trance, beginning to dance as the boy sang.

He noticed, in the back of his mind, that the cheering had increased as he'd been pulled on stage, some people were calling his name, he was so happy he felt he would cry, his heart was in his throat.

"Feliciano!" he shouted across the stage as the song ended, some from the crowd chanting after him, "This is amazing!" he found himself screaming, his smile splitting his face, laughing breathlessly.

Feliciano pulled him into a kiss, the crowd suddenly cheering enough to deafen, but Ludwig didn't care, he sank into the kiss, his arms instinctively wrapping round Feliciano to bring him close.

After a moment, the crowd still hooting and hollering, Ludwig felt a hard tug on the back of his shirt, he pulled away from Feliciano and turned to see Romano glaring at him, he said something but Ludwig couldn't hear him, gesturing off stage.

Feliciano pulled Ludwig's head down to talk into his ear, "Go backstage," he shouted, giving Ludwig another kiss before pulling away.

Ludwig nodded and began to step back, this whole thing felt like a dream. He walked back, finding himself holding a curtain to keep himself steady, he felt hot and lightheaded, this was so amazing.

Feliciano began to sing his next and final song, Ludwig watching as if in a trance.

He felt a sting on his arm, turning to see Romano again at his side, "Oh," he said, panting softly, "Hello Romano… Doesn't Feliciano sound amazing?" he said weakly, glancing back at the stage.

Romano slapped his arm again, frowning, "Don't do that again, bastard, you're going to put Feliciano off his game. I don't want the fans seeing him do that."

"What?" Ludwig asked, a soft uneasiness falling on him, "He kissed me Romano, I didn't want to go on stage."

"Shut up," Romano snapped, "Stay off the stage or I won't let you come back here again, who knows what people will think."

Ludwig frowned, unable and unwilling to stop himself talking back, "I would hope they would think Feliciano and I were boyfriends, and that we were happy together."

Romano shook his head, looking back towards Feliciano, "The girls that come to this concert are meant to want to be with Feliciano themselves, not watch some brutish bastard kiss him."

"Well I don't care about them," Ludwig frowned, his jaw tensing, "He's happy with me, that's all that matters, we're not going to pretend not to be together just so you can get more money."

Romano's eyes widened slightly, he let out an angry huff and began to walk away, mumbling under his breath.

Ludwig shook his head, he knew he was right, Romano was being so selfish… Ludwig couldn't let it ruin his night. This was too perfect, he wouldn't let it get to him.

He smiled and cheered as the song ended, clapping as Feli bowed to the crowd before walking off and pulling Ludwig into a tight hug.

"Feliciano you were brilliant," Ludwig grinned, kissing Feliciano's cheek as they hugged, "I've never heard you sing so well."

Feliciano laughed softly, bouncing on his feet, he looked so happy, Ludwig couldn't believe how beautiful he was. "…It's so good to have you here Ludwig, I love you so much."

Ludwig smiled, "I love you too," he glanced out into the crowd, the lights were up now and he couldn't quite believe how many people there were, thousands of people had seen him dancing as he would in his room by himself, thousands of people had just seen he and Feliciano kissing… and surely soon the whole internet would know it too.

Ludwig paled slightly as he realised people at his school would almost certainly see it.

Feliciano smiled, pulling him into another kiss, "Let's go to the dressing room."

"What about the fans..?" Ludwig asked quietly, beginning to realise how much the show had drained him.

Feliciano shrugged and shook his head, "Not tonight, the crowd's too big and rowdy," he smiled, "and I want to spend time with you." He rubbed Ludwig's arm, he could tell Ludwig wasn't used to excitement like this, he could tell he was getting tired already.

Gilbert had spent the time before the concert in the dressing room, talking to Romano and eating all their food, as far as Ludwig knew he was still there, he couldn't wait to tell him what had happened, he'd never felt so alive.

Ludwig and Feliciano walked to the dressing room hand in hand, Ludwig still unable to keep the grin off his face, Feliciano pausing every few moments to kiss him.

Neither of them had any idea how they would cope with being apart again, it seemed impossible, but their parting seemed so far away it didn't matter.

"Hey little brother," Gilbert cooed as they walked in, swinging in his chair and sharing his food with a frowning and fuming Romano, "Lovi just told me what you were doing on stage," he let out a small chuckle.

Romano slapped his arm, "Don't fucking call me that," he growled, shaking his head.

Gilbert grinned, "It's what your fans call you right?" He looked back at Ludwig, his smile staying fast, "I didn't know you had it in you, you know it was filmed right? For public release."

Ludwig swallowed hard, looking down at the floor, "I…" he looked back up and frowned, "I didn't do anything wrong, I'm not talking about it."

Gilbert shook his head, glancing at Romano, "He's a stubborn one isn't he…?" He chuckled, "I know you did nothing wrong, I'm congratulating you on the massive balls you have grown over the last couple of months. You're not a wall flower anymore, it's good, Ludwig."

Ludwig huffed and frowned to himself, he'd never realised he was a wallflower to begin with, if he'd ever just sat back it was because he'd not thought it would be a good idea to input his opinion.

Wallflower…

He let out a small huff, "We just want some food, then we're going for a walk."

Romano frowned, "No. You can't leave the building Feliciano, you're not allowed to after a concert."

"We'll go to the tour bus then," Feliciano suggested with a smile.

Romano's frown deepened, the tour bus? Where their beds were? No way that was happening. He growled softly to himself as he formulated a plan in his head, "Actually I was going to show Gilbert the tour bus, he said he wanted to see what the new PS4 was like."

"I did?" Gilbert almost yelped, his eyes widening slightly, he may have mentioned it, but Romano hadn't mentioned that he owned one let alone that Gilbert could play it.

"Yes," Romano forced, "You did," he scoffed, "It was like 10 minutes ago."

Gilbert looked between the three of them and let out a small chuckle, "Ok," he said softly, getting to his feet, picking up a sandwich to take with him. "I'll see you in a bit then little brother," he said to Ludwig as he passed, patting the boy on the head.

Ludwig nodded, smiling softly as the two left, he let out a small chuckle to himself and looked at Feliciano, seeing the boy smile handsomely back at him.

Feliciano quickly pulled him into a hug, wrapping his arms tight around him and kissing him deeply, "Ludwig I am so happy, tonight has been so perfect."

Ludwig closed his eyes, letting out a soft moan as he kissed back, he could barely imagine anything more perfect.


	9. Chapter 9

Gilbert had never been on a tour bus before, he'd seen them, and always wanted to go inside but never been able to get more than a glimpse.

Romano seemed less than amused, practically stomping as he took them into the tour bus, he flopped down on the chair and watched, still frowning, as Gilbert walked through the large space, looking around. The man rolled his eyes at every sound of awe Gilbert made, he had expected this reaction but he'd seen it so many times from fans who'd won competitions that it was just annoying now.

Gilbert huffed happily as he looked around, everything was dark wood and chrome and clean, and they had everything; two computers, a tv and gaming console, a whole rack of dvds and books, the place was better kitted out then Gilbert's own house.

"So this is your PS4?" Gilbert asked, coming to a stop by it and crouching to inspect it.

Romano glanced up and nodded, "Yeah but don't touch it, it was expensive."

Gilbert frowned, pulling himself back to his feet and putting himself on one of the blue chairs that lined the room, "I thought you pulled me in here to see it?" he said knowingly.

Romano scoffed, realising Gilbert's tone, "Don't be an idiot. I just don't want Ludwig and Feliciano in here."

"Why not?" Gilbert asked with a smirk, his tone almost condescending.

"What do you mean why not?" Romano snapped, crossing his arms, "I don't want them coming in here to fuck that's why!"

Gilbert chuckled to himself, leaning back on the chair, "So you'd rather they fucked in the dressing room?"

"What?" Romano growled, "They won't fuck in there there's no bed."

Gilbert let out a loud laugh, amused by the other man's naivety, he tipped his head back and ran his hand through his hair.

Romano let out a small huff, his eyes widening and jaw slackening, he stuttered uselessly before looking towards the door.

It hadn't occurred to him that they would do it regardless of having a bed or not.

Why hadn't it?

"Don't worry about it," Gilbert smirked, "It happens to everyone…" he leaned forward and turned on the PS4, "Come and play with me. You got COD, we could do a vs match?"

Romano continued staring at the door, "Fuck that," he got to his feet and walked to the door, back across the concrete path and into the venue building, storming to the door. He could hear giggling and soft moans from inside, the noises sickening him, the idea of that German brute laying a hand on his brother, touching him… He shook his head and leaned forward to open the door.

There was no way he would allow that, without his parents or grandparents around anymore to help them out it was his responsibility to look after his younger brother, and it was something he wouldn't take lightly.

Gilbert snatched his hand away from the handle, "Don't do that!" he said mutedly, "The kid will never forgive you, think about it Romano, you have to ride home with him in that bus do you want that?"

Romano frowned, pulling his hand out of Gilbert's grip and letting it hang at his side, he huffed softly and looked away, "Fine, I won't fucking interrupt them… But I'm going to talk to him about it."

Gilbert nodded, pulling away, "Right, shall we go play COD?" he said with an oddly cheery demeanour.

It seemed so strange that Gilbert was so nonchalant about them… sleeping together. Romano was almost shocked by it, but part of him felt calmed by it, he wasn't quite sure why.

"Fine," he growled, turning to walk back to the van. He kept glancing back, he felt like he could still here them.

Gilbert led him to the sofa, going and turning on the PS4, not that Romano noticed what he was doing, he seemed to just be staring off into space.

"You better snap out of it Lovi or I'm going to beat your arse raw," Gilbert chuckled, handing a controller over and sitting down next to him, a little too close for Romano's comfort.

The smaller man frowned as he looked at the screen, "Hey I told you not to touch it," he snapped, shaking his head and muttering to himself.

The game started up, and they set up a match, Gilbert seemed oddly full of himself, but Romano knew he would win, he had played these games almost the whole of the tour, there was no one better than him.

Or so he thought until he saw his character's head explode.

How was Gilbert so good at a game he'd never played before?

"How the fuck- Are you cheating you bastard?" Romano yelled as his character died again.

Gilbert laughed loudly, tipping his head back, "I'm not cheating, I'm just better than you," he chanted.

When Romano did finally get a hit on Gilbert he let out a loud hoot, smiling widely having now forgotten all about his younger brother's antics.

After playing for hours, when they'd played on every map, Romano looked up, his happy smile fading as he noticed the time.

"It's been four hours," he said as he realised, "Feliciano isn't back yet."

Gilbert let out a hum of recognition, his own smile fading, "Shit I've got work tomorrow too… They're probably still in the dressing room."

Romano huffed and got to his feet, leaving the bus before Gilbert had fully realised what was happening.

He jogged to the dressing room, practically running, he didn't bother to knock, not that he ever would, Gilbert following after him.

Feliciano looked up as the door flew open, smiling up at his exhausted looking brother, "Romano?"

The older brother looked between them, happy to find them both fully clothed, though Feliciano wasn't wearing his hoodie, only the black t-shirt that had been underneath, and Ludwig's shirt was askew, some of the buttons were undone.

…And the room smelled kind of weird…

They were sat together, on the same chair, Feliciano curled up on Ludwig's lap, huddled against his chest.

It was so disgusting, Romano was almost speechless.

"We've gotta go little brother," Gilbert said apologetically from somewhere behind Romano. "Say goodbye to your boyfriend."

"No," Feliciano whimpered, hugging Ludwig's chest tight, "Can't he stay, please, just until morning?"

Romano shook his head, "No Feliciano there's no way I'm letting him sleep in the tour bus. And Gilbert has to go now."

"We could drop him off in the morning? Please Romano," Feliciano said, his voice squeaking.

He shook his head again, "We're going in the opposite direction, Feli. I told you you could see him tonight only."

Feliciano huffed and whimpered, hugging Ludwig, wrapping his arms around his neck and lowering his feet to the floor as the taller boy stood up.

They kissed deeply, Romano looking on with disgust, Gilbert still seeming un-phased by it.

"Ich liebe dich…" Feliciano kept saying softly, Romano had no idea what it meant but he knew it was German, the sound of it in Feliciano's voice made him sick to his stomach.

The smaller boy shook slightly as he began to cry, saying the words over again, Ludwig echoing them, eventually their embrace broke, the German boy wiping Feliciano's tears and kissing him again. "I'll speak to you later," he whispered sweetly.

Feliciano nodded, letting Ludwig walk away. As the door closed Feliciano let out a loud sob, the noise audible through the door, Gilbert frowned at Ludwig's visible flinch.

"He'll be fine," Gilbert reassured him as he patted him on the back, "You can call him in the car," he suggested, smiling softly.

Ludwig nodded, "Yeah…" he swallowed hard, looking down at the floor.


	10. Chapter 10

Ludwig groaned listlessly as he got ready for school, the first weekday after the concert, Ludwig couldn't imagine what horror awaited him at school. He'd already received mocking phone calls and facebook messages, from both Feliciano's fans and his school 'friends'.

He felt physically sick, he'd tried to weasel out of going to school but Gilbert had said he needed to face the consequences of his actions. He felt bad for trying to get out of it and it had only made him feel worse, weaker.

He had to keep his head held high. He'd had a great time that night he wasn't going to let some idiots get him down.

It had been so nice, he and Feliciano had been so happy, the whole night had been perfect.

Since that night his mood had deflated, he tried to hide it, but Gilbert knew, Ludwig was sure he thought it was nerves, he wasn't going to let him find out about the insulting messages, or how they were affecting him.

He was sure Feliciano couldn't tell, he was determined to hide it from him. He wasn't going to let anyone know they were getting to him, that, in his mind, was the most important thing.

He kept his head up as he walked through the halls of the school towards his first class, ignoring the weird looks and trying to avoid eye contact. He could feel people staring and as hard as he tried it was unnerving him.

He walked into his English language class and he felt all the eyes in the room pin on him, he couldn't help but flinch.

He heard a soft chuckle from one of the boys at the back of the room, "Hey dude I saw your dance moves on facebook, I never pegged you for a groupie," he chuckled again, the rest of the room laughing with him, Ludwig felt himself blush, he dipped his head and walked to his seat, not surprised to find Kiku avoiding his gaze, so much in fact that he had his whole body turned away.

"Kiku?" Ludwig asked softly, trying to keep emotion out of his voice, "Uh, how was your weekend?"

"Good," Kiku grunted, "I don't need to ask how yours was…"

"You saw the video then?" Ludwig knew he had, he'd secretly hoped it wouldn't affect their friendship any more than the relationship already had.

Kiku nodded shortly, "Yes, I saw you humiliate yourself in front of thousands of people."

Ludwig frowned, getting his books out of his bag and laying them out on the wood desk. "I didn't humiliate myself," Ludwig almost growled, "I was out with my boyfriend having fun. People just happened to see."

"Yes and they recorded it…" he huffed, "Forgive me, Ludwig, but I'd rather not talk with you today, I'm afraid I'll say something out of turn and insult you."

Ludwig grit his teeth, beginning to write down notes from the board as the teacher began to talk, "The way you're acting now is insulting, Kiku, the way you've been acting for the past 3 months is insulting. If you have something to say just say it. I don't understand your problem."

The teacher cleared his throat, glaring at them across the classroom, "Boys," he snapped. Ludwig's eyes snapped to the blond man, watching him smooth the creases on his weird green shirt. "No talking while I'm talking please."

"Ludwig's probably bragging about all the hot Italian ass he got Saturday night," the same boy at the back of the class jeered, glaring at him with an odd smirk.

The teacher huffed, furrowing his large brow and looking between them, "That's not appropriate classroom talk, boys… and might I remind you that accusations like that are considered bullying."

"It's true though!" the boy said loudly, "Ludwig's gay for that stupid singer boy."

Ludwig finally turned his head, glaring across the small classroom with gritted teeth, "Don't talk about him like that, he is not stupid."

The boy Ludwig now recognised as Feliks, who he'd never really spoken with before, let out a short laugh, "I don't see you denying it, don't worry Ludwig we all knew you were gay anyway. We just didn't expect you to go for someone who was such a twink."

"A-A.. what?" Ludwig stuttered, loud laughing erupting from the boy and the people surrounding him. He frowned, gritting his teeth so hard it hurt, he forced himself to face the board, his face red with embarrassment and anger.

"…I told you," Kiku jeered, smiling to himself.

It had never occurred to Ludwig just how mean Kiku could be, or anyone in the class for that matter, this was the first time in his life he'd felt fully excluded, shunned by everyone except the teacher, who was now yelling at the class to calm down.

He sat in silence until the end of the class, waiting for everyone to leave before he began to pack his things, not wanting to leave with them, he couldn't imagine what they'd do.

"Mr Beilschmidt," he heard the teacher say, looking up to see the man walking to him.

"…Professor Kirkland…" Ludwig said weakly, trying to avert his gaze, he looked down as the man sat opposite his desk, biting his lip, feeling the older man's eyes on him.

The man swallowed hard, "Ludwig, I know coming to terms with your sexuality can be hard, especially in school, but I want you to know that if you find yourself having problems or that you become a victim of bullying you are welcome to come and talk to me about it, my door is always open."

Ludwig smiled and nodded, the man's words actually lifting his spirits slightly. At least he knew he had someone to talk to who wouldn't make fun of him.

God he felt so pitiful, having to rely on teachers for support.

He packed up the rest of his things and left the classroom, saying a polite and thankful goodbye to the teacher.

"What were you doing in there?" he heard a familiar voice shout towards him, turning to see Mathias smirking at him, "Fucking teachers now too Ludwig?" he chuckled.

Ludwig let out a huff, "No Mathias, Fuck off, I'm not having sex with Professor Kirkland."

Mathias laughed loudly, "No I bet you call it something really gay like 'Making Love'," he shook his head, "Ludwig you are such a loser, why the fuck are you even here? You know you have no friends now, no one likes you, even Kiku hates you now."

Ludwig huffed softly, deciding not to retaliate, he pushed past the tall boy and walked to his second class, maths, at least he knew no one in his maths class anyway, there were no 'friends' there to betray him, but he could still feel their eyes pinning to him, making him feel like nothing, an idiot, he should never have gone to that concert, never have thought of talking to Feliciano.

Throughout the lesson, as he used the calculator built into his phone, he kept feeling it buzz as more hate messages filled his inbox.

He couldn't do this, it was going to tear him apart.

He'd never felt this bad, he couldn't stand it.

During break he found a secluded spot to sit, a small area on the edge of the sport field surrounded by tall trees with a floor covered in woodchips.

He had to call Feliciano, he had to, he needed to hear his voice, he knew if he could hear his voice he would feel better, he knew it.

He got up Feli's number and called it… no answer, he let it go to voice mail just to heard the cheery hello of the boy, hanging up before the beep.

Maybe he should leave a message?

No, then he'd know Ludwig was upset, he'd be able to hear it in his voice if nothing else.

…He had to, he had to tell him, he had to talk to him.

He called him again, hearing Feliciano's voice, even just that calmed him, he took a deep breath as he readied himself to leave a message.

"Feliciano," he said softly, not really sure what to say, "…I love you, you're so amazing. I just wanted to call you to say that. I'm having kind of a bad day, and I just needed you to know that I love you."


	11. Chapter 11

Feliciano closed his eyes as the makeup woman touched him up, talking quietly with her as she worked. He loved morning shows, he loved watching them almost as much as he liked appearing on them, they were always so nice to him, inquiring about his life and how his tour went.

He knew now they were done with the basic questions they would ask about Ludwig, how could they not, there were videos everywhere of their intense kiss on stage, with rumour following quickly that 'other stuff' had happened later that night, which it had, but he didn't plan to give too much detail about it.

"So who's this guy?" was the first question the interviewer asked when the cameras began rolling again.

They played the familiar clip of Ludwig and Feliciano kissing on the small tv screen by Feliciano's wheeled chair. Feliciano blushed, he could feel the interviewer's eyes pinned on him, deepening his blush.

"Uh, that's my boyfriend, Ludwig," Feliciano said with a small smile, his voice heightened with slight embarrassment.

"Oh," the interviewer cooed, "No chance for us girls now then? Was there any chance for us in the first place?"

Feliciano forced a smirk, "Well Amelia I wouldn't say no to anyone," he glanced at the camera, "But I love Ludwig with all my heart, unfortunately you girls have missed your chance."

The woman chuckled softly and nodded, "That's very sweet," she paused for a moment, "So how long have you known you were gay, Feli?"

The boy frowned, "Uh, I'm not," he said, forcing a smile, "I've always been interested in girls and boys, I'm bisexual."

"But you're going out with a boy now?" she questioned, frowning softly.

Feliciano bit his lip, "Yes, but that doesn't change my sexuality, it just means I'm going out with a boy now."

The interviewer nodded, looking through her notes, "Everyone wants to know, me especially, how long have you been going out with him? And have you done anything more than just kissing?" she held up her hand, "Keep in mind that this is a family show."

Feliciano blushed, smiling to himself and glancing away, "We've been going out around 3 months now. But I'm not going to tell you what we've done together, you'll have to make do with just seeing the kiss."

"Why did you kiss him on stage, it's such a bold statement," she asked, letting out a small chuckle, "Did it mean anything?"

Feliciano tried to suppress a frown, he had no idea what sort of statement he might b trying to make, he had been lost in the moment, completely astounded by how happy Ludwig looked, his eyes had entranced him, he couldn't do anything but kiss him. "It means that I love him, what else could it mean?"

The interviewer chuckled and shook her head, "Of course… You're not the type for political statements."

Feliciano couldn't help the frown he was holding back from ghosting his face, "I wouldn't make any kind of statement about it, I-I'm just loving who my heart chooses, there's nothing political about it… it's my heart…"

The woman nodded, "Well that's good for you Feliciano…I think we'll take a break now, you're looking a little pale."

"I've not eaten since 5," Feliciano admitted, glancing down. "I would like a break."

The woman nodded, pulling away from him as they got the word that the cameras had stopped. Feliciano got up and walked to the snack table, huffing softly as he got out his phone to see if Ludwig had contacted him.

He frowned to himself; he had three missed calls, two messages.

He listened to them, frowning more so at Ludwig's uneasy tone, he'd never heard him sound anything close to upset, but in these messages he sounded almost in tears, it was unnerving, he needed to call back.

Without telling anyone he slipped out of the building, finding himself by a pond, he dialled Ludwig's number, hoping he'd not yet gone to class.

"Feli," Ludwig's voice came weakly down the phone, to Feliciano's relief.

"Ludwig," Feliciano cooed back, his face breaking into a smile at the sound of the German's voice. "Are you ok? You said you wanted to speak to me… you sounded upset…"

"I'm not upset," Ludwig dejected, shaking his head down the phone. He lay himself back on the wood chipped floor, looking up at the sky as he began to explain to the Italian what had happened to him.

Feliciano frowned softly down the phone, "…I see," he said, his tone filled with pity. He often wished he could go to school like a normal person, but hearing Ludwig's experience made him happy he wasn't, especially in his own country where homophobia ran much more rampant.

"I'm sorry," he almost whimpered, "Ludwig, please don't be upset… I love you, it doesn't matter what they think they're all jerks."

Ludwig huffed and nodded, feeling better though just listening to Feliciano and talking about what had happened. "I agree… Are you able to talk for long? I've got 20 more minutes for lunch."

"I can talk as long as you want Ludwig," Feliciano chuckled.

"I don't want to keep you from anything."

"You're not," Feliciano said calmly, "…I love you."

He really had no idea what to say, he'd never had to comfort someone over the phone, he'd never had to talk to someone who was sad without being able to hug them, hearing it from Ludwig, not being able to hug him and tell him everything would be alright… it was painful.

"I love you too," Ludwig said down the phone, "I'm just finding it hard to adjust I suppose. I saw this coming but… I don't know, the reality of it is harsher than I imagined."

Feliciano frowned to himself, swallowing hard, "I'm sorry Ludwig. I wish I could fix it for you."

Ludwig huffed softly, playing with the woodchips by his feet, "I miss you, that's all. If you were here it wouldn't be as bad."

"…I'm sorry I'm not there," Feliciano said, his voice weakening. He forced a smiled, "Well I'll video call you tonight, just think about that until you get home."

Ludwig nodded, smiling softly, "Yeah…" he cleared his throat, looking around to check no one was nearby, "Actually I've been thinking about… you know," his smile widened, "What happened in the dressing room, that's what been keeping me going."

Feliciano giggled, feeling himself blush, "Well," he half-sang, "Then don't think about video chatting, think about me," he giggled again, blushing, "Think about me sucking on your… uh," he frowned, "Wh-what was the word..?"

"Wurst," Ludwig said with a growl, his teeth gritting slightly as he smiled.

Feliciano giggled again, "Think about me sucking your wurst."

Ludwig chuckled softly, smiling down the phone, the mere idea calmed him, oddly enough, he loved it… Just the thought of being alone with him made him feel so calm and content.

"I love you Feliciano," he said softly, sighing and closing his eyes, listening to the boy's soft and bright chuckling.

Feliciano smiled, sighing softly, "I love you too," he glanced over, seeing a security guard walking towards him, no doubt to pull him back into the building.

"Ludwig," he said weakly, "I have to go," he frowned, "I'm sorry, I'm doing an interview… I'm talking about you."

Ludwig bit his lip, "Don't go into too much detail ok? I…" he huffed softly, "You know what it doesn't matter, say whatever you want Feliciano, I don't really care anymore, I can't get any more ignored…," he huffed, "It's ok, just, have fun ok? I know how much you love doing interviews," he tailed off slightly at the end as the image of Feliciano's face entered his mind, the sweet smile he made when he was being interviewed.

"Ok," Feliciano said softly, "I love you, I'll talk to you after ok?"


	12. Chapter 12

Ludwig huffed softly as he walked into his room, his frown softening as he was greeted by a dozen copies of Feliciano's smile. He smiled up at the posters, feeling instantly calmed.

"Hello, Feli," he said to them as he walked to his computer, turning it on and looking around the room as it warmed up.

He loved his room, it was perfect, his own little sanctuary. Painted white with dark wood furniture and blue highlights… and 12 Feliciano Vargas posters.

He took them down whenever he had company over, his brother knew about them but Ludwig didn't think he cared enough to tell anyone. He'd shown Feliciano and been met with a chorus of adorable laughter, the boy had had to hide his face to shop his blush from showing. Ludwig had worried it would seem creepy, if anyone showed him the same he'd be creeped out, but Feliciano had loved it.

Ludwig had gone as far as to tell him that he occasionally kissed the poster by his bed before going to sleep, after they had said goodbye, Feliciano had confided in him that he had a picture of Ludwig on his phone, and he sometimes did the same thing.

The idea seemed so sweet, the thought that Feliciano kissed Ludwig's picture before he went to sleep, it made Ludwig smile more than anything.

Ludwig's heart jumped as he heard skype ringing, he quickly pressed the answer button, smiling as Feliciano's smiling face filled the screen, "Ludwig," the boy cooed at the sight of him.

"Feliciano," Ludwig said cheerily, "I missed you," he looked him up and down, he could tell from the small snippet of background he could see, the beige leather sofa and the gold floor lamps behind him, that the smaller boy was in the living room of his house.

"I missed you too," Feliciano sang, making a heart sign with his hands.

Ludwig smiled, undoing his bag and pulling out his books, putting them away on the shelves by the computer, "I just got home."

Feliciano let out a small giggle, "Does that mean I get to watch you change out of your school clothes?"

Ludwig glanced at him and smiled softly, giving him a small nod, "Yes it does," he informed.

"Ok," Feliciano said, his voice hushing slightly, "Then I'll have to go to my room, if Romano sees you changing he'll think you're doing a strip tease or something…"

"Who said I'm not," Ludwig retorted playfully. The screen of the computer became blurry as Feliciano moved rooms, sitting down on his own bed and putting his laptop on the bedside table, taking a moment to move things around to make space.

"There," he said happily as the picture became stationary.

Ludwig smiled at him, beginning to undo his black tie and white shirt, glancing up every few moments to see Feliciano watching him.

"You are so beautiful Ludwig, you know that…" he cooed, smiling softly.

"Feliciano," Ludwig said as he slipped a t-shirt over his head, "You can't say that to me, you're far more beautiful than me."

Feliciano shook his head, lifting his own shirt to show his stomach and chest, Ludwig's gut jolting slightly at the sight, making him let out a tiny groan.

"See I have no muscles like you," Feliciano whined, "Your stomach is so gorgeous and hard and mine is just," he flicked his stomach, frowning at the small ripple that appeared when he did so, he huffed softly, "…Yeah."

Ludwig smiled, staring almost lustfully at the screen, "That doesn't mean you're not beautiful…" he let out a small huff as Feliciano pulled his shirt back down, "I could help you get fit if you want."

Feliciano shook his head, "I can't go on a diet, Romano will think you're making me."

"You won't have to diet," Ludwig began to explain, "Just eat a few less snacks. We can exercise together? On camera."

Feliciano giggled and blushed, "Ludwig you know that will make me turned on, watching you work out."

Ludwig huffed, "You will be working out too Feli, you wont get turned on," he smirked, "And if you do we can take a break to do other things."

Feliciano giggled and nodded, leaning back on his bed, "Ok, that sounds so nice Ludwig, I would love to do that."

"When would you like to start?" Ludwig asked, smiling, "I don't suggest today, you need to be in the right mindset."

Feliciano nodded, "Ok, tomorrow then," he giggled, "I like watching you work out Ludwig, I like the noises you make."

Ludwig smirked, "Stop it Feli…" he cooed, "Has your interview come out yet, the one you did last week?"

Feliciano nodded, his eyes squinting slightly with his smile, "Yes it came out this morning, You have to go to the celebrity page of their website."

"Ok, let me watch it." Ludwig pulled up the site, one of his most visited, one of the most popular Italian celebrity sites that Ludwig could visit with a German IP address.

He jolted slightly as a knock came from his door, Gilbert shouting through in German, "Ludwig, I need to talk to you."

Ludwig huffed, "Can't it wait 5 minutes?"

"No it cannot," Gilbert half-sang, turning the handle of the door and preparing to push it open, "I'm coming in so I better not find you naked, you know I told you not to do those sort of thing over the internet…"

"I'm not naked Gil," Ludwig almost snapped, frowning as the older man came in.

Gilbert looked to the computer as he walked in, waving hello to Feliciano. "…I don't think you should be on call for this conversation Ludwig, "

"Why not? Feliciano doesn't know German anyway he won't understand what you're saying."

"If you insist…" Gilbert huffed softly, sitting down on Ludwig's bed, he crossed his arms, looking more serious than Ludwig had seen him in years.

Ludwig turned his chair, frowning softly, "What's wrong Gilbert..? Has something happened?"

Gilbert chewed his lip, trying to figure out the sentence in his head, "Ludwig… I got a call from someone at your school today, your language teacher, he informed me that you are being bullied."

Ludwig's eyes widened, "What?" he grit his teeth and shook his head, internally cursing his teachers, "I'm not being bullied Gilbert."

Gilbert shifted, smoothing out the blue bed sheets with his hand, "Now… I've also noticed that lately you haven't been talking as much, and you've been spending a lot of time in your room… and now it turns out you're hiding things too. I looked it up, and," he paused for a moment, his eyes meeting his brother's, "I think you may have depression."

Ludwig shook his head quickly, "No," he snapped, "No Gilbert I don't, I'm not depressed."

"All the evidence suggests otherwise, Ludwig."

"No." Ludwig snapped again, "Ok, Gilbert, maybe I am being bullied at school, but I can deal with it. The reason I'm spending more time in my room is because my computer is here and I want to talk to Feliciano, and I don't talk to you much because all I want to talk about is him and I don't want to bore you. Do you understand that?!"

Gilbert let out a small huff, a smile ghosting his face, "Look, and now you're getting aggressive… Ludwig, you might not realise it, and even if you aren't depressed you certainly aren't acting like yourself. I made a doctor's appointment for Thursday evening."

"What..?" Ludwig said, his frown softening, "No, Gilbert, you can't, everyone will think I'm a freak."

Gilbert chuckled softly, "Ludwig, from what I've been told, everyone already thinks you're a freak, you may as well be a freak who's getting help. It's happening if I have to drag you, if it turns out you don't have depression or anything then I'll take it all back and I'll cook you some wurst ok?"

Ludwig felt his temper rising, he opened his mouth to yell but Feliciano's voice pulled him away.

"What's happening?" he said softly, sounding almost afraid, "Is something wrong?"

"..No," Ludwig said after a moment, forcing himself to calm down, "Everything's fine Feli… Listen," he chewed his lip, "I'm not going to be here Thursday evening, Gilbert says I've got to go to the doctor."

"Why?" Feliciano said, shifting closer to the camera, his eyes widening, "Is something wrong?"

"No," Ludwig said quickly with a shake of his head, "Nothing's wrong."

Gilbert got to his feet, letting out a small huff as he walked towards the door, "…Lying to him isn't going to help anything," he said softly as he walked out, closing the door softly behind him.


	13. Chapter 13

Feliciano sighed softly, squinting across the large sunlit garden. The first day of summer. He inhaled deeply, it was so lovely, so perfect. He couldn't help wishing that Ludwig was there to share it with him.

He walked out to his sun lounger and undressed himself, sighing softly and stretching, standing in the sun for a moment.

There was something about being naked outside that Feliciano really loved, feeling the sun's warmth on quite literally every inch of himself, it was so lovely, it felt so freeing.

Romano hated that he did it, but he couldn't stop himself, part of him needed it, that feeling, he lived for it.

He rubbed sun lotion onto his body, laying down, sighing softly as he let himself slowly fall asleep.

The small bleep of his facebook messenger pulled him to a woken state.

'Feli are you out of the house?'

Feliciano smiled softly, staring at Ludwig's profile picture and reading the message, imagining his voice saying it.

'Yeah, I'm sunbathing.'

'Sunbathing? It's raining here, kind of depressing.'

Feliciano frowned softly, he wasn't sure why but he always felt bad when Ludwig wasn't experiencing what he was. Whenever he went to a show he felt bad that Ludwig wasn't there too, and was instead at home watching tv or something.

Feliciano got up to make his way inside, stretching and locating his clothes so he could get dressed, though part of him didn't want to.

He flinched softly as a white flash pierced his peripheral vision, he turned his head, hearing someone swearing loudly.

He took a step forward, frowning, reaching down and taking his shirt to cover himself.

"Hey!" he shouted loudly, "Who's there, are you taking photos of me?"

The leaves of the tree by the fence rustled, but no one answered. Feliciano quickly pulled on his clothes and sprinted across the grass, raising onto his tip-toes to look over the fence. He couldn't see anyone, but he could tell there'd been people there, they'd left drink bottles and sandwich wrappers amongst Romano's lilies.

Feliciano frowned, he pulled out his phone again, ignoring Ludwig's massages and writing 'brb, the photographers have left a mess 3:'

He walked through the quiet house and to the front door, he thought about telling Romano but decided against it. He knew it would make him angry and he'd been so quiet and happy for the past couple of months.

He smiled a lot now, it was lovely.

He opened the front door, biting his lip at the sight of yet more photographers, "Excuse me," he said tentatively as he made his way towards the fence where he'd seen the rubbish, "Excuse me, I need to get past."

He ignored the crowd's questions and went to the fence, picking up the rubbish and going back inside. He bit his lip and frowned.

They'd gotten photographs of him sunbathing, naked, they'd print them in the papers and Romano would get so mad, he knew he would…

Should he tell him?

He knew he had to tell Ludwig.

Oh god how would Ludwig react?

…It would be ok, he'd just be truthful, Ludwig would understand.

He threw the rubbish in the bin, and walked to sit in the livingroom, pulling out his phone again and beginning to type to Ludwig.

'Luddy… I have something to tell you.'

'What Feli?'

Feliciano grit his teeth slightly as he typed out what had just happened, swallowing hard before he sent the message.

'You did what?' Ludwig typed back after a moment.

'Feliciano Why Were You Naked Outside?'

Feliciano frowned, 'I like being naked outside ludwig, it's nice.'

'But people see you! Don't you understand how bad that is?'

Feliciano sighed, laying back on the sofa, feeling his spirits fall. 'I know Luddy… I didn't know they'd take photos, I didn't know they could see over the fence.'

In all truthfulness the thought of if they could or not had never crossed his mind.

'They shouldn't have taken photos like that, and you shouldn't have been naked outside!'

He hadn't expected Ludwig to react with so much anger, Feliciano let out a small whine, typing back a quick 'I'm sorry.'

He had to tell Romano now, he couldn't not do and let him find out through the papers the next day.

"Romano," he called softly through the house, his gut filling with dread, hoping against hope that Romano wouldn't reply…

He flinched as Romano shouted "What, Feli?" down from his den.

Cautiously Feliciano ascended the stairs, standing awkwardly in the door frame, his hands entwined and his eyes on his feet.

"Romano…" he said again, more softly this time.

Romano frowned as he looked up at him. "Give me a moment Gil," he said quietly before pulling his mic off his face. "What's wrong Feliciano, what's happened?"

Feliciano let out a tiny whine, heat rising in his face, bringing tears to his eyes. "I was sunbathing naked and I saw a flash from the fence and I think people were taking photos of me, Romano."

"You were what?" Romano growled softly, "Feliciano how many times have I told you not to do that?" he shook his head, "I got you that stupid thong thing so you wouldn't be totally naked, why didn't you wear that? Why did you have to be naked?"

Feliciano felt tears leave his eyes, "I'm sorry Romano I forgot, I'm sorry, I didn't know they would take photos."

Romano huffed, "They've been swarming the house since you kissed that stupid German boy, they take photos of everything Feli!"

The younger boy looked up, frowning, "Don't call Ludwig stupid, I love him Romano, this isn't his fault!"

"He is fucking stupid!" Romano yelled, "It's his fault they're all here, it's doing all this to you while it's not affecting him at all." He shook his head, "Fucking… Idiots, you're both idiots. Why couldn't you keep all this to yourself? It's affecting everyone Feliciano, I can't even go out to buy food without them hounding me!"

Feliciano whimpered again, unable to hold back the noise, "I'm sorry Romano," he said weakly, "I-I didn't know it would make things so bad," he swallowed hard, wiping the tears from his eyes, "I just wanted to be happy."

Romano huffed again, "Don't fucking cry Feli," he said, his voice softer, "Don't get upset."

"I can't help it," Feliciano squeaked, "I just want to be happy but everything keeps going wrong."

"Feli… Don't worry about it ok? I'll deal with what happens when it happens, just go ok? It'll be fine."

Feliciano nodded and wiped his eyes, feeling better now Romano had said that. Romano had this weird way of making everything feel better and worse at the same time. But Feliciano always walked away feeling better. He guessed that just talking about it, however brief, made him feel better.

He left the room and pulled out his phone, seeing half a dozen messages from Ludwig, the final one being 'Feli are you even listening to me..?'

'I'm sorry', Feliciano replied, 'I talked to Romano. He said he'll fix everything, so it's ok.'

'Ok' Ludwig replied, 'That's good'.

'But you can't expect Romano to fix everything for you all the time. You have to think about what you do.'

'I know Ludwig…'

'I'm only saying it because I don't like when you're upset. You have to think about what you're doing.'

Feliciano smiled, 'I know, that way things don't upset me in the first place.'

'Exactly.'

Feliciano smiled, sighing softly as he looked down at the phone. He should go and get his computer, he wanted to call Ludwig again, see his face and hear his voice for real.

He tried to push what had happened to the back of his mind, and he climbed the stairs to his room in the roof, he loved it up here, it got cold in the winter, but he loved the shaping of it, the slanted walls and the high ceiling.

It was the largest room by floor size but it seemed smallest.

He turned on his laptop, pulling up skype and calling Ludwig, happiness filling him again at the mere thought he could talk to him.

He'd never felt such love for another person, the feeling devoured him, he loved it and hated it at the same time.

He almost melted at the sound of his voice. "Feli."

"Ludwig," he cooed, "I missed you…"


	14. Chapter 14

Ludwig was really dreading school today, he couldn't think about it without his spirit dropping, a lump appearing in his throat and his stomach twisting painfully.

"I'm not going," he said pointedly to Gilbert, who had appeared by the doorframe and had opened his mouth to ask why Ludwig was still in his pyjamas when he should be leaving in ten minutes.

Gilbert frowned, walking the room and sitting on the chair the opposite side of the kitchen table. "I know you don't want to, but you can't let them get to you. You know what the councillor said; you've got to try and keep going. Eat something and get dressed, I'll take you in late if you want, but I am taking you in."

Ludwig shook his head, not daring to look his brother in the eye. "Haven't you seen the news?" he said quietly.

Gilbert shook his head, cocking it slightly and leaning back in his chair, as if expecting Ludwig to explain it. Ludwig's eyes stayed down as he slid his phone across the table, the article and photos on the screen.

"Woah…" Gilbert said softly, his frown deepening as he read, he smiled as he looked up at Ludwig, sliding the phone back to him. "He's quite a catch… You're a lucky boy Ludwig," he chuckled softly.

Ludwig glared at him, "That's not the point, Gil," he half-growled.

The older huffed, nodding and biting his lip, he tapped the table absentmindedly. "…There's always a chance no one will care?" he offered.

The phone was pushed towards him again, this time with facebook on the screen, new lewd messages appearing on Ludwig's wall every second.

"They care," Ludwig growled, "I'm not going in."

Gilbert sighed softly, "Then what about tomorrow? You going to go in then?" Ludwig shook his head, Gilbert's frown hardening, "Then what about next week? Next month? If you don't go in today then when will you go in?"

Ludwig grit his teeth, "I'm not going in."

"The longer you put it off the harder it will be."

"I'm not going in."

"You are going in Ludwig if I have to drag you into class and tape you to your seat."

Gilbert was on his feet now, his palms down on the table, glaring hard at his younger brother.

Ludwig could feel his breath shortening, he'd never felt so small and helpless.

He got to his feet, walking quickly to his room and slamming the door, locking it quickly before Gilbert could follow him in.

He sat on his bed, looking up at the posters that lined his room. Feliciano's smile didn't do its usual job, it didn't make him feel better anymore, it just made him miss Feliciano more.

Gilbert knocked on his door, trying the handle, Ludwig heard a sigh through the wood before the man knocked.

"Go away," Ludwig yelled, frowning at the door.

"No Ludwig, you have to go to school."

"I'm staying here!"

"You have to come out some time, and when you do I'm taking you to school."

Ludwig flopped back on his bed, closing his eyes and trying to calm himself.

He couldn't go in, if the comments in person were half as bad as the one he'd received online… He didn't want to think about it.

But Gilbert was right, the voice in the back of his head screamed it, if he didn't go in today it would be harder to go in tomorrow, and everyone would know why he'd not gone in.

They'd all think he were a wimp, unable to cope with being called a few names.

He screwed his eyes shut, shit, Gilbert was right, Gilbert was totally right.

He had to be strong, he couldn't let them beat him.

By staying at home he'd be telling them they'd won, that he'd given up.

He would not give up, he refused.

He clenched his fists, his nails cutting into his palms, and he forced himself up, forced himself to get dressed.

Gilbert almost fell as Ludwig opened the door, he stumbled into the room a little, smiling at Ludwig.

"Ah," Gilbert said happily, "You've come to you senses I see..?"

"I'm going to school," Ludwig growled, taking his coat.

"No," Gilbert snapped, frowning, "Food first. You haven't eaten, you've got to eat it's important."

Ludwig paused, growling before making his way to the kitchen and pouring some cereal .

Gilbert gave a soft nod, watching him pour it out and begin to eat.

He'd lost weight recently, Gilbert was beginning to worry, he told him he needed to eat more but he always replied that he wasn't hungry or didn't want more, even though Gilbert could tell he was lying.

The doctor had said it was common with depression for the sufferer to either gain or lose weight rapidly. Though they'd not specifically said that Ludwig had depression the fact he was losing weight further proved Gilbert's theory.

Gilbert smiled with slight relief as he watched Ludwig finish. "Do you want me to drive you in?" he asked, trying to sound friendly.

Ludwig nodded, picking up his bag and checking he had the right equipment inside. "Ok. I'm skipping my first lesson though. And I want to talk to the administration about moving some of my classes."

Gilbert nodded, "Ok, whatever you need to do to make yourself happy."

Ludwig nodded, taking up his bag and slinging it over his back. He didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want to discuss what was happening, he just wanted to fade away, have the day able past without arguments or name calling, he just wanted to be left alone.

They sat in the car in near silence, the radio playing quietly. Gilbert took the liberty of turning it up when he heard a song of Feliciano's that he recognised, hoping it would cheer his younger brother up, make the whole thing a little less awkward.

"Ludwig," Gilbert said softly in that weird 'older brother' tone he used when he was going to try and impart wisdom.

Ludwig gave a soft groan, laying his head back on the head-rest, he wasn't in the mood for a lecture of any sort.

"I just want you to be happy," Gilbert began, "I don't want you to think I'm being pushy with you, I'm just trying to… help you make the right choices."

Ludwig sighed through his teeth, lifting his hand to rub his forehead. "Gilbert I know, I don't want to talk about this ok..?"

"Well I do," Gilbert pushed, "I don't want you to think that I don't care about you and I'm being selfish or something. I'm doing it for your own good."

"I know you are Gilbert, I'm not blaming you, I know this is what's best for me."

"Good," Gilbert cooed, tapping the steering wheel and nodding softly, "I know I'm pushing you but I know I'm doing the right thing."

Ludwig nodded, "Yes, you were right to push me or I would have stayed at home."

"That's right and you need to go to school, you can't sit and mope at home, you just can't."

"I know," Ludwig found himself almost growling, "…I wouldn't be moping, I'd be able to study at home, it's just the people there…" he shook his head.

Gilbert glanced at him, frowning, "That's not the point, school's important."

Ludwig bit his lip, furrowing his brow, he wanted to talk back but he decided against it, he didn't want to get into a fight and walk into school in a worse mood than he was already.

He held his tongue until his brother pulled up outside school, he moved to open the door and found Gilbert's hand resting on his knee.

"Try to have a good day, Ludwig," he said softly, forcing a smile.

Ludwig grit his teeth, huffing softly and pulling himself out of Gil's grip, swinging the door open.

"You don't understand, Gilbert," he said weakly, stepping out of the car and slamming the door behind him, moving quickly to the front door of the building before Gilbert could follow him.

He wished he'd stayed at home.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh damn wwhhhaatt? I never updated this? It's been finished for like 3 years why did I never update it? Lol well! get ready for like 13 new chapters at once!

Feliciano climbed the small set of stairs that led to Ludwig's house, he bounced on his toes, excitement filling him, threatening to explode in a series of squeaks and screams. He was so looking forward to meeting Ludwig again, to seeing his house, he knew it from tours Ludwig had given him on skype but he'd never been inside.

Romano seemed equally excited to meet his gaming friend, Feliciano hadn't seen him smile this much in, well, he wasn't sure how long.

He knocked again, letting out a tiny squeak at the sound of movement behind the door, he heard some shouting in German before the door was pulled open, Ludwig smiling at him from behind it.

"Ludwig!" Feliciano shouted gleefully, throwing himself into Ludwig's arms and hugging him tight, pecking kisses at him frantically and squealing through joy.

Ludwig let out a soft giggle, hugging back tight "Feli…" he cooed, embracing him, burying his head into Feliciano's hair and inhaling him, he felt his face grow hot and it took everything he had to stop tears of joy filling his eyes, "I love you."

"I love you too, I missed you," Feliciano whispered against him, "I missed you so much."

Eventually they pulled out of the hug, Romano stood behind them, his arms crossed, "Where's your brother?"

"He's in the living room, setting up the game system," Ludwig said, not taking his eyes from Feliciano as they continued to hug, he didn't want to let go, he never wanted to let go.

Romano pushed past them, leaving them in the doorway. They embraced and kissed again, breaking apart as the two elders began shouting at each other in hello from the living room.

Feliciano smiled up at the older boy, "Ludwig," he cooed, "I've missed you so much…" he pecked his cheek and walked into the house. "This is your house…?" he asked, looking around, "It's small."

"Well there's only the two of us living here. We don't need a big house."

Feliciano nodded, walking further into the house and looking around, "It's so cosy and nice," he wrapped his arm around Ludwig's waist, "It makes me want to hug you so much."

He smiled, clinging to the larger man and kissing him again, "I want to see your room Ludwig, I want to see all your posters."

Ludwig nodded, leading him up the stairs and into his room. By Ludwig's standards it wasn't a small room, but he knew that it was small by Feliciano's standards, around half the size of his room. When Feliciano saw it he let out a series of small giggles and squeaks, walking into the centre of the room and looking round.

"There are so many posters," Feliciano observed, giggling, his eyes rested on the space in the corner of the room, "Oh and that's where you do exercises!" he giggled again, seeming almost star struck through seeing the room.

Ludwig nodded almost uselessly, smiling, he loved how happy Feliciano was, how exuberant he was, he was happy on a level Ludwig could only dream of feeling.

It hadn't occurred to him how empty he felt until he saw someone feeling more than he could.

He walked to the bed and sat on it, watching Feliciano explore the room and pour through his stuff… Ludwig would clean it up later.

Eventually the younger man sat on the bed next to him, smiling widely and resting his head on Ludwig's shoulder, he let out a soft sigh as he fell backwards, reaching out a hand to pull Ludwig down with him.

"Your room is so lovely Ludwig… it's so neat," he frowned slightly as Ludwig laid back beside him, "Are you ok?"

"Of course I am," Ludwig smiled, "I'm with you, how could I not be?"

"Because everything's so clean," Feliciano mused, "My Nonno used to say that people who keep things too clean are hiding something."

Ludwig frowned softly, "Well I'm not hiding anything Feliciano," he forced a smile, biting his lip slightly, "I love you Feli… And I missed you so much."

Feliciano leaned in to kiss him, "I love you too," he giggled, pecking a kiss on Ludwig's nose, "I bet Gilbert made you clean didn't he? Romano does it every time we have people over, I hate it, I don't like things being too clean, it just doesn't feel right…"

"I do like things clean," Ludwig said with a shrug, kissing Feliciano again. He didn't want to stop, he wanted to keep kissing him, he couldn't imagine how he lived without Feliciano's lips pressed against his, he felt so blissful and peaceful when they kissed. He knew the conversation was pointless, neither of them were paying full attention to it he could tell.

They soon stopped talking, just kissing between each other as they lay on the bed, Ludwig moved slowly as they did, moving over Feliciano and pressing him into the sheets, the smaller man moving to wrap his legs round him, they ground against each other slowly, their kisses deepening, moans erupting between them as each felt the other hardening while they rut against each other.

A knock at the bedroom door caused Ludwig to flinch away, making him bite his tongue, he let out a small squeak of pain. Feliciano giggled, leaning up to kiss him, "Did you hurt yourself?" he said quietly, stroking Ludwig's jaw.

Ludwig nodded, Feliciano giggling again as they sat up. "Who is it?" Ludwig asked, even now unable to stop himself touching Feliciano, kissing the smaller man's neck and shoulder.

"Who do you think it is?" Gilbert said through the door, "Romano and I have made pasta, do you want some?"

Feliciano's eyes widened, his smile growing, "Yes!" he squeaked loudly, "Yes please Mr Beilschmidt, I love pasta so much!"

They heard Gilbert chuckle through the wood, "Mr Beilschmidt..?" and a slightly fainter shout of, "Romano I love your brother, he is so cute."

Ludwig kissed Feliciano again, "You get to sleep in my bed tonight," he whispered softly against him, "Are you looking forward to it..?"

Feliciano nodded, his face red and hot through their kisses, "Of course," he kissed him again, his hand playing on Ludwig's hip, "I want you to make me feel good tonight," he chuckled softly, "And I want you to make me feel good too."

"…We should go and eat our pasta," Ludwig said absently, looking towards the door.

Feliciano nodded, shifting awkwardly, "Just give me a moment Ludwig, I don't want Romano to know what we were doing."

Ludwig couldn't hold back his smile, "He's going to find out what we're doing," he shrugged, "He probably already knows Feli."

Feliciano giggled, blushing and covering his face with his hands, "Yes but I can't go downstairs with a… I have a boner Ludwig," he giggled again.

"Don't you know how to hide them?" Ludwig smiled as he glanced down at the younger man's navel, the hard length obvious even with him sitting down. "Or I can help you deal with it..?"

Feliciano giggled again, shaking his head, "No, Ludwig, they'll know we're doing something…" he bit his lip, "I want to wait until tonight," he said quietly, "And spend the whole night fucking each other until we can't keep our eyes open."

That sounded amazing, it was everything Ludwig could do to stop himself moaning at the mere thought. He sighed gently, pulling Feliciano onto his lap and nuzzling into his neck, "It will be so good," he managed to whisper, kissing at his skin.

"You know you're not helping," Feliciano jibed, kissing him back and letting out another deep breath, "If you keep talking like that this will never go away."

"You're the one who started it," Ludwig chuckled, kissing him again and pulling himself to his feet, "Just relax Feli, think of the pasta."

Feliciano smiled and laughed, "That's not going to help either, you know how I feel about pasta."


	16. Chapter 16

Feliciano woke, his body aching softly, covered in sweat and other bodily fluids that they hadn't bothered to fully clean when they'd finally fallen asleep in each other's arms at 4am, he looked over at the clock, startled to find it was no longer morning.

"12:10..?" he mumbled almost disparagedly, turning in Ludwig's arms to nudge him awake, kissing at his face and neck to help wake him up, "Luddy, we have to wake up, it's afternoon."

Feliciano felt his heart ache at the thought that they'd missed the morning together, they had less than five hours now before he had to leave.

"Was..?" Ludwig groaned, his eyes slowly running over Feliciano, a small smile coming to his face as he realised where he was, "Feliciano," he cooed, pulling him in for a kiss, he looked over at his clock and frowned, "Midday?" he growled, "We have to get up."

Feliciano nodded, "I know, that's what I was telling you," he pulled away, smiling softly, "Get up then, I want to see you naked, it's my last chance for three months."

Ludwig chuckled softly, beginning to pull the covers off of them, "Ok but I want to see you too."

They smiled and looked at each other, absorbing the sight. Ludwig pulled Feliciano into a soft kiss, holding the man close, feeling their skin press together, he could feel everything they'd done over the past 14 hours.

"We need to shower," he mumbled, continuing to hold him tight, pressing softly against him. "Do you want to shower together..?"

Feliciano smiled and blushed, "…What if Romano sees?"

"Who cares," Ludwig said with a soft chuckle, kissing him and moving with him towards the door. "Come on, I want to clean you."

Feliciano blushed, letting Ludwig pull him into the bathroom, letting him pull him into the stream of water and soak him, they soaped each other, kissing as they touched every inch of one another.

He could barely remember what actually happened, the heat and feel of the water and the bliss of the other man's hands on him, it felt like a dream, more so than the 14 hours previous.

They emerged from the room in a daze, wrapped in towels. Romano's frowning face greeting them.

"Feliciano," he growled, obviously holding back, "Lunch will be ready soon, get dressed…" he glared at Ludwig as they stood together awkwardly.

The younger brother smiled and nodded, "Ok Romano, we'll just be a minute… Did you have a good night?"

Romano huffed again, "You were loud," he stated, "But me and Gilbert weren't trying to sleep, so, yes."

Feliciano smiled and nodded, "You had fun with him?" he asked quickly.

Romano grit his teeth, "I don't want to make small talk with you while you're both fucking naked, get dressed, now, get the fuck downstairs."

The pair nodded, filing into the room. Ludwig watched Feliciano pick out his clothes, letting the towel drop to the floor as he took them from his bag.

"You look so perfect," he observed quietly, moving towards him, letting his own towel drop as he pulled him into a kiss.

Feliciano smiled sadly, letting out a soft breath as he broke their kiss, "…Romano will be mad if we take too long, he'll think we're having sex."

Ludwig huffed and smirked, "Sex takes more than 10 minutes Feli," he said in protest, pulling away regardless and collecting up his black trousers and green shirt, pulling them on and watching Feliciano do the same with his skinny jeans and sweatshirt.

He couldn't take his eyes off the smaller man, the way he moved entranced him, he couldn't think when he was around him, his voice made him dizzy.

He was so amazing. He couldn't believe his luck, he didn't deserve him, Feli could do so much better.

They made their way downstairs, their hands entwined as they exchanged 'I love you's and 'ich liebe dich's.

As they entered the kitchen they were met again by Romano's icy glare, they reciprocated with happy smiles, though Ludwig had a harder time ignoring it that Feliciano seemed to.

"Here's your food," Romano almost sneered, handing them a plate of spaghetti and meatballs each.

"Thank you Romano," Feliciano said quietly, trying to quell his smile and failing. He stood awkwardly, he wanted to talk normally with his brother but he didn't feel like he could. "…Should we go into the living room?" he asked gently, not fully remembering the way round the house from the previous night.

Ludwig nodded, taking Feliciano's hand again, leading him through to find Gilbert already sitting on the cream sofa with his food on his lap.

"Hallo Bruder," the white haired man cooed. Ludwig frowned at him, he was still wearing the same clothes he'd had on the previous day; a grey shirt and blue jeans. Ludwig had no idea why though, he'd brought clothes he was sure.

"Why are you still dressed like that?" Ludwig asked quietly, not entirely sure if he wanted to know the answer.

Gilbert shrugged, "I didn't go to sleep, neither did Romano but he changed into his pyjamas at about midnight," he shook his head and rolled his eyes, "…We've been playing all night, it was great."

Ludwig frowned softly at the weird smile that had come to Gilbert's face, he'd never seen it before.

"I bet you two regret sleeping in so late," Gilbert said, looking up at the clock, "You've only got four hours together now."

Feliciano frowned sadly, sitting down with his own food and beginning to push his food around his plate. "I don't want to have to go, I've never been more happy, I don't want to leave…"

"Well you can't stay," Romano said from the kitchen, bringing through his own food and sitting on the arm of the chair next to Gilbert, the older man's smile growing slightly as he glanced up at the Italian.

"Why not..?" Feliciano whined, pressing himself against Ludwig side, Ludwig pressing back against his and resting his cheek atop Feliciano's head.

"Because Ludwig has a counselling session at half past five, you should know that Feliciano," Romano said again, continuing to eat, seeming unconcerned by the information.

Feliciano's eyes widened, he pulled away from Ludwig and looked up at him, seeing a look of shock mirroring his own. His eyes darted back to Romano, who still had his eyes down, eating. "Counselling session for what?" he asked abruptly.

Romano frowned, finally looking up, looking at his younger brother with a slight confusion, "For his-"

"Feliciano," Ludwig said loudly, frowning hard and looking down at his food, "I have depression," he said pointedly, forcing the words from his mouth, digging his nails into his knees.

The elder of the Italians looked between them, frowning in confusion, Gilbert also frowning, "Feliciano?" Romano said softly, "You didn't know?"

He shook his head, his mouth lulling open and his eyes wide, "N-no, I didn't, I didn't know," he whispered, almost breathless.

Ludwig felt everyone's eyes pin on him, he bit his lip hard, almost hard enough to draw blood. He closed his eyes to gather himself, taking a soft breath before speaking up. "…I didn't know how to tell you, I didn't want you to worry."

Feliciano could feel tears coming to his eyes, he couldn't believe Ludwig wouldn't tell him, they talked all the time, how could he leave something like this out?

"…You…" he swallowed hard, "You told me you had extra lessons," he squeaked softly, talking past the hard lump in his throat.

"You bastard!" Romano snapped, anger almost visibly dripping from him, "You lied to him? He's your boyfriend, how could you lie to him about something like this?"

"I-I" Ludwig began to stutter, being instantly interrupted by Romano's overprotective ranting.

"Everybody knew except him, Ludwig, how the fuck do you think that's making him feel, I knew and I don't even care. How could you hide this from him?"

Feliciano felt tears began to drip down his face, he tried to stop himself making the accompanying noises but he couldn't help it. Ludwig's eyes snapped from Romano to Feliciano as he heard the smaller man let out a squeak.

"Feli…" Ludwig sighed, pulling him into an embrace, holding him close, "…Ich liebe dich…" he whispered to him, the smaller man whispering it in return. "Feliciano, it doesn't change anything," he tried to explain quietly, "I'm still the same person, I still love you."

"I know," Feliciano said into his chest, "I love you too, I love you so much. I-I'm sorry, I didn't know," he whimpered softly, "I want to help," he said, pulling away slightly, "I want to help you Ludwig, anything I can do."

Ludwig smiled at him, biting his lip softly, "You are already helping me Feliciano, I can talk to you every day, it helps, I know you love me, that helps too… You don't need to do anything. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but it was nice having someone who I loved, who treated me normally… Everyone treats me like I'm ill."

Feliciano shook his head, "I won't treat you differently, I want to help Ludwig. I love you, I want you to be happy."

"I love you too," Ludwig repeated, kissing him again, "…We should eat our food, before it gets too cold."

Feliciano nodded, pulling away and wiping his eyes, "Yeah... Ok, sorry, I didn't mean to cry."

"It's ok… we should just try and enjoy the time we have left."


	17. Chapter 17

"I have a surprise for you," Feliciano told Ludwig, smiling up at him, the first thing he said other than the usual 'hello's and 'I love you's' that they usually shared at the beginning of their days.

Ludwig's smile softened, he held Feliciano close and turned him slightly in his arms, looking down at him, "What's that..?"

Ludwig assumed it would be the usual small gifts that Feliciano had taken to giving him. He'd received a package per week from the Italian since the news about his depression had come out, they usually included heartfelt notes, small bags of Italian sweets and a cuddly toy or two. He was expecting more of the same seeing him in person.

How Feliciano treated him had changed in the past month, but not drastically, the boy would ask how his day had been before telling about his own, he would stop mid conversation to change topic if he felt the subject was becoming too morbid, and he'd become generally more attentive and less self-centred, not that he was overly so to begin with.

The point was, though Ludwig could tell he was being treated differently, he didn't feel he was being treated as if he were ill or damaged, simply treated a little more delicately, which he didn't mind, he felt like he needed it. And it felt so nice now Feliciano knew, he didn't have to hide his sadness or lie about where he'd been. Feliciano knew all about the bullying now, the rumours he'd been sleeping with his teachers being the most shocking in the younger's eyes.

Feliciano sat him down in his living room before revealing it, "Here you go," he said happily as he presented a deep green jacket, brand new and obviously tailor fitted.

"For the interview?" Ludwig asked with a frown, "It's handsome," he said, struggling to find anything good to say about it.

Feliciano's smile dropped, and he laid the jacket on the sofa, "You don't like it?"

"No," Ludwig almost stuttered, "I do, it's nice, but," he swallowed hard, looking away, "I'm not sure about the interview."

"Why not? Everyone will love you, they already know a lot about you I talk about you all the time."

Ludwig swallowed hard, chewing his lip. Feliciano looked him up and down, obviously disheartened by Ludwig's unenthusiastic reaction. "It'll be fun Ludwig. And it'll make you feel happy, they always make me feel happy."

Ludwig huffed softly, he couldn't just reject something Feliciano had worked to arrange, and he seemed so happy about the idea, he seemed so sure Ludwig would like it.

"Ok," Ludwig said after a moment, forcing a smile and nodding, "Ok, I'll give it a try."

Feliciano let out a squeak and a small 'yay', pulling Ludwig into a hug and nuzzling into him.

Ludwig leant back on the sofa, hugging Feliciano to him, letting him half-lay on him. "So when is the interview?"

"At 10:15," Feliciano said, closing his eyes and pressing his head onto Ludwig's chest, listening to the steady thump of his heart. "I told you last night."

Ludwig nodded, that gave him an hour to mentally prepare himself, he was sure it'd be fine as long as he could keep calm.

"Where's Gil?" Feliciano asked quietly after a few moments of silence.

"Upstairs," Ludwig said, letting his eyes close, "He's with Romano in his room, playing games I think."

Feliciano giggled, "I think Romano likes Gilbert," he whispered. "He talks about him all the time and he's not as grumpy now."

"Really?" Ludwig asked, smiling, he let out a small chuckle and shook his head.

Feliciano nodded, sighing softly and nuzzling into Ludwig's chest, closing his eyes. He loved Ludwig's laugh, he wished he laughed more.

"Did you like the things I sent you?" he asked softly, pressing himself against the German.

Ludwig nodded, smiling softly, "Yeah, of course Feliciano," he pulled out his phone, showing off the fact that it was held by the green-lego phone case Feliciano had sent him, "See?" he waved the phone slightly, "This is my favourite."

The smaller man let out a small squeak and a giggle, "Good," he smiled, lifting himself up to give Ludwig a kiss, pulling on the collar of his shirt to lever himself, "I'm glad you like it… You're always so serious but I knew you'd love all the cute things I sent."

Ludwig smiled and nodded, letting out a small sigh, he loved how much Feliciano 'got' him. He always knew what Ludwig really meant, he'd go off on tangents when he was talking, trying to explain what happened or how he felt, and somehow Feliciano understood it. Ludwig wished he could return the favour but he was so bad at interpreting Feliciano's innate chatter, but he guessed it was due to his somewhat gentle grasp of the Italian language, when Feliciano got going he really got going, Ludwig knew even Romano had trouble keeping up with the boy sometimes.

"I did love them, especially the little rabbit, I have it by my bed," Ludwig explained, Feliciano's smile widening as he spoke, lifting up for another kiss.

"…Romano doesn't like that I buy you so much," Feliciano said slowly, his hand playing on Ludwig's chest, playing with one of his buttons.

Ludwig frowned, "What?" he huffed and shook his head, "But it's your money isn't it? He shouldn't tell you what to do with it."

Truthfully Ludwig didn't like that Feliciano was spending so much on his either, he agreed with Romano, he thought Feliciano should be saving, he wasn't going to be able to be a popstar forever and he needed money to live on when this dream life of his was over.

Of course he'd never voice that opinion, he couldn't, this was Feliciano's way of dealing with Ludwig's illness and he needed to let him do it.

"He said I should be saving for my future," Feliciano said, an odd acidic tone to his voice that Ludwig had never heard before.

He bit his lip, unsure of whether or not he should speak, eventually deciding to say, "Well shouldn't you be? You do have a future, and it probably won't be cheap."

Feliciano shrugged, a smile snapping to his face, "In my future I marry you, I won't need money."

Ludwig smiled widely, he hadn't realised that Feliciano had considered a future with him. "What so I'll pay for everything?"

Feliciano let out a small hum and shook his head, "Well no of course not. I'll stay at home and do my art and singing, I'll make money from that won't I?"

The Italian beamed at him, as if he'd got it worked out in his head, Ludwig wished he could do that, blindly believe that everything would be ok. Ludwig didn't even know what he wanted to do after school, part of him didn't think there would be an 'after school'.

Ludwig let out a small sigh, pulling the smaller man into a tight hug and kissing into his hair. "I love you, Feliciano," he said softly, "I love you so much…"

The fact that Feliciano could see a future with him made him so happy, it made him feel more complete.

Feliciano giggled and pulled away, "I know you love me, I love you too…" he pouted slightly, "You want to marry me too, right?" he bounced slightly where he sat, "I'll let you have as many dogs as you want."

Ludwig nodded, "Of course I do, I'd love to marry you Feli, you make me so happy."

"Good," Feliciano stated, "That's what I want."

Was that a proposal…? Ludwig's eyes fixed on Feliciano, but the boy said nothing else, just turned to nuzzle against him again, humming happily. No? It can't have been, just a… verification that they both wanted to get married in the future.

Ludwig had to save up for a ring, he'd not even thought of that before now.

After a moment Feliciano let out a small huff and straightened up, "I should go and get Gil and Romano, we have to leave soon."

Ludwig watched as he got up, nodding and smiling, "Ok," he chuckled softly as Feliciano began to walk towards the stairs, "Remember to knock Feliciano, you don't want to walk in on anything."

The younger boy laughed loudly, glancing back at Ludwig and smiling. Ludwig couldn't stop himself from smiling back, Feliciano's smile was always so bright, nothing could bring him down.


	18. Chapter 18

Ludwig could feel himself shaking as Feliciano led him into the massive building, he was panicking and struggling to hide it, he could feel himself sweating, god this was a bad idea, the world seemed almost a blur and the next thing he knew he was in the studio, being sat in a makeup chair. Feliciano squeezed his hand to get his attention, smiling at him.

"This is Elsa, she's my favourite makeup lady," Feliciano said, gesturing to the redhead who had appeared at his side, "Be nice to her ok," he chuckled softly, leaning in to give the German a kiss, "She's going to make you look beautiful."

Everything, thankfully, seemed to slow down for Ludwig as he settled in the chair, and he slowly became aware of where everyone was, in his panic he'd lost track of himself and everyone around him.

Gilbert and Romano were standing by the food table, eating and talking to each other, joking as usual. Feliciano was in his own makeup chair a few meters away, nattering to the man who was doing his hair.

Ludwig sat, forcing himself to breathe slowly, letting the woman brush his hair, he closed his eyes, knowing that would help calm him too.

"You're nervous?" the woman said softly, letting out a small chuckle, "You're shaking... I've never seen a big guy like you get so worried."

He opened his eyes, looking at the pretty woman through the mirror, "…I'll be ok."

"I'm sure you will," she cooed, "And Amy's lovely, so you don't have to worry about her. Just let Feliciano do the talking at first, until you settle."

Ludwig nodded, closing his eyes again and letting the woman touch up his face, he wasn't sure what she did to him but it'd made his eyes stand out more and his cheek bones look sharper, he looked good.

"You ready Lud?" Feliciano asked softly from behind him, "We've got to go sit down."

Ludwig nodded, standing up from his chair and following Feliciano to the mocked up livingroom-set, he looked around, frowning softly, "It's all cardboard," he observed, even the fireplace, the bricks looked real on TV but up close like this is was obviously not.

Feliciano nodded and smiled, taking the chair closest to the interviewer's and guiding Ludwig to the seat next to him.

The interviewer, Amelia, walked towards them, smiling sweetly. "Hi guys," she said happily, "Nice to meet you Ludwig. How are we today?"

Feliciano smiled, glancing between Ludwig and Amelia, "We're good. When's this airing?"

"Tomorrow morning, same as usual," she said, she looked Ludwig up and down, "You know those videos don't do you justice, you are really hot."

Ludwig looked down at his feet, smiling softly, "Thank you."

The interviewer chuckled softly, "Feliciano, you're a very lucky boy."

Feliciano nodded softly, holding out his hands, "Can I have a look at the questions you're asking, please, I want to make sure they're not rude."

Amelia held the papers close to her chest, shaking her head and smiling fakely, "No no, there's nothing too rude in here, but I want to get your natural reactions to the questions," she leaned over to give Feliciano a playful shove, "You know what I'm like Feli…"

Feliciano nodded, letting out a small huff and letting his hand drop over the side of the chair, groping to hold Ludwig's hand, squeezing it softly. Ludwig felt a slight panic rise in him, was Feliciano worried too?

"Camera's rolling!" someone shouted from offstage, followed by a loud buzz, the small buzz of conversation stopping suddenly.

Ludwig tried to keep himself calm as Amelia introduced them, he could hear his heart, he could feel his pulse throbbing through his entire body, he tried to control his breathing , tried to keep himself looking calm at least, he didn't want anyone to know.

"Ludwig?" the call of his name broke him from his trance. They'd been talking and he'd barely even noticed. God he wished he'd not come, he'd never been so scared of speaking. He forced a smile and a small grunt of recognition.

"Feliciano said in our last interview that he's getting more involved in charity," Amelia explained.

Ludwig hadn't been able to watch the last interview, he'd had a double therapy session the day it'd come out and he'd not gotten around to watching it, he didn't think it would be important.

He'd been told that not wanting to do things that once interested him was part of his depression, he'd once fawned over Feliciano's interviews, waited weeks and been so happy when he finally saw them. He missed that feeling, he hated that he didn't care as much anymore.

Though that in no way meant he loved Feliciano any less, his therapist had made sure he understood that.

Ludwig smiled softly and squeezed Feliciano's hand, "Yes I think he mentioned it." It had been only a brief mention, that he'd started giving money to some Italian charity, Ludwig couldn't even remember the name.

"Yes, Feliciano told me he plans to do a benefit concert, given your," she paused for a moment, "Involvement, so to say, we thought you might like to talk about it. Aren't you proud of your boyfriend's efforts?"

Ludwig nodded, "Of course I'm proud," he chewed his lip for a moment, "What do you mean 'my involvement'? I've had nothing to do with his charity work."

Amelia cocked her head, "Well you have depression don't you? Feliciano's doing all this because of you."

Ludwig felt all colour drain from his face, sickness welling in his stomach. "You told them..?" he asked weakly.

Feliciano shook his head, "Well no, they found out, I just confirmed it."

"Oh Ludwig I thought he'd told you," she smiled, "He's doing all of it because of you, and might I add it's done quite a bit for his career, people are so much more willing to buy a CD if they know some of the profit goes towards helping people with mental illnesses."

Ludwig let out a small huff, his eyes settling on Feliciano. He couldn't believe this, Feliciano had used him?

His hand dropped from Feliciano's, hanging limply at his side. "Could we take a break, please," he said quickly, the words coming out a lot louder than he'd meant for them to.

"Oh," Amelia said sharply, forcing a smile, "Sure we can, uh… I'll see you back here in a minute."

Ludwig felt a breath leave him as the camera's lights turned off, a small weight lifting off of him.

He got to his feet, walking away from the crowd.

"Ludwig?!" Feliciano said, a slight panic to his voice, he got up quickly, scrabbling slightly as he followed Ludwig into the hall, struggling to keep up with the larger man.

"Ludwig," he said again, his voice dropping as his boyfriend stopped in the grey concrete and metal stairway. "What are you doing?"

"I just need a moment Feli," Ludwig snapped, he began mumbling to himself in German, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I can't believe you told them Feli…" he said slowly, trying to keep his voice calm.

Feliciano shook his head, "I didn't, they found out, I didn't really tell them anything Ludwig."

"You." He bit his lip, forcing himself to stay calm, "You could have made sure they didn't find out, you shouldn't have confirmed anything without asking me first! This was supposed to be a secret Feliciano, now the whole world will know. Everyone will start treating me differently Feliciano, you know I don't want that!"

Feliciano stuttered, tears coming to his eyes, "l-Ludwig, I didn't mean for-"

"Be quiet Feliciano!" Ludwig snapped, blinking back tears rapidly, there was no way he'd allow himself to cry now. "You have used me. You're getting money because of my illness, the only reason you care is because you're getting more money from it."

It all made sense to him now, the reason Feliciano had been sending him things was because he was getting extra money, he'd probably only done it to stop himself feeling bad. He couldn't believe Feliciano thought he wouldn't care that other people had found out, he knew how worried Ludwig had been about telling him. Did he really think he'd react well?

"…Ludwig, please," Feliciano said quietly through tears, sobbing quietly and lifting a hand to wipe his eyes, "I didn't mean to upset you."

Ludwig grit his teeth, "You thought I'd be ok with this? You used me, Feli." He shook his head, huffing through anger and sadness, "I'm going home, now. Tell Gilbert I'm leaving."

"Ludwig, please!" Feliciano shouted, his sobs growing louder. Ludwig turned, unable to talk anymore, he shook his head and began to trot down the stairs, making sure to go fast enough for Feliciano not to follow him.

He felt tears sting his eyes, he let himself let out a small sob as he left the building, when he was sure no one could hear him, he sank to his knees, tears streaming down his face. He didn't want to be here, he just wanted to go home.


	19. Chapter 19

Ludwig huffed as he heard the doorbell, the sound he once loved he now detested. Whenever their postman, rang the doorbell, it meant he had a package, as far as Ludwig knew Gilbert hadn't ordered anything offline, and he himself definitely hadn't, which meant only one thing, Feliciano was trying to win his favour by sending more presents.

"Good morning, Tino," Ludwig said gruffly as he opened the door, completely forgetting he was wearing only his mint green boxers and black work-out shirt.

The short blond man looked him up and down, deciding to ignore his appearance. "Good morning ," he said cheerily, holding out two packages and a small pile of letters, "These are for you."

Ludwig frowned, looking at the largest package, "I don't want this one."

"Why not?" Tino said cheerily, "It's from that Italian boy of yours," he chuckled softly, his smile dropping after a moment as Ludwig continued staring at the box, seeming almost emotionless, "You have to take it Ludwig, I can't keep it," he explained, "Just throw it away if you don't want it."

Ludwig huffed, saying a short and annoyed sounding 'thank you' before closing the door and taking the packages through to the kitchen, putting them on the table and sorting the letters.

One package was for Gilbert, the other for him. He pulled out his phone and texted his brother, ignoring the multiple facebook messages from Feliciano as he had done for the past week and a half.

'You got a package, looks like a game?' he texted.

Gilbert hadn't told him he was expecting anything.

He glared at the package Feliciano had sent him, gritting his teeth before pulling the box open, beginning to pull out the contents.

A silver watch, a new wallet, a leather notebook, a fountain pen and an array of Italian sweets.

It all looked very expensive.

Ludwig huffed as he looked at it, moving himself to the first-aid cupboard and pulling out his depression medication, popping a couple of the pills into his mouth and taking a swig of water before sitting back at the table, looking in the box to see if he'd missed anything, finding a small brown envelope.

He opened it carefully, biting his lip and huffing as he began to read the apology the letter contained, Feliciano plea for him to forgive him, that he'd not meant any harm and that he'd do anything to get him back, to prove he hadn't meant it.

Ludwig grit his teeth through anger, tearing up the letter and throwing the pieces on the floor. Sure, he'd not meant to tell everyone about his depression, what else had he not meant? What about all the times he'd told Ludwig he loved him? Had he mean that?

He growled softly, looking at the object on the table, 'presents' most likely bought with the money Feliciano had made using him as a prop.

Mummy can I get a Feliciano Vargas CD?  
Of course sweetheart, 5 euros goes towards helping poor helpless boys with mental problems.

He scoffed to himself, pushing the objects onto the floor, stamping hard on the watch, smashing the glass front and kicking it across the room.

He couldn't believe Feliciano would try to buy him back.

This was the most upset he'd felt since he and Feli had broken up, but this time it wasn't sadness or betrayal he felt, he just felt mad, he'd never felt this angry.

He pulled his phone out again, getting up his facebook chat with Feliciano, his hands clenching around the phone as he wrote, he could feel the heat in his face, his breath coming out in short pants.

'Don't you dare send me anything else Feliciano, I don't want to talk to you ever again, I want nothing to do with you, I hate you so much.'

He slammed the phone back down on the table, pushing his fingers into his hair and digging his nails into his scalp, the pain helping to calm him somehow.

He let out a loud growl, stamping his feet on the floor.

The phone bleeped, his eyes snapping to it.

If Feliciano had sent some bullshit reply begging for his forgiveness he was going to throw a fit.

No, it was a text from Gilbert, fan-squealing that the package was a game that he wasn't meant to get for another week, they must have sent it to him early.

That distraction was enough to distract Ludwig from his rage. He exhaled slowly and closed his eyes. Maybe it would be a good idea for him to go for a run? Maybe it would help him clear his head.

He took a pair of joggers from the tumble drier and pulled them on, putting on his running shoes and taking the keys to the front door.

He'd taken up jogging since his depression had been diagnosed, his therapist had suggested it as a way for him to get his mind off of whatever was causing him distress.

The fresh air and exercise was meant to be beneficial for him, meant to release endorphins and help his body fight the depression naturally. It was the same reason he'd been told to eat more bananas and nuts, though he wasn't fond of either.

It worked, that was one thing. He kept going till his muscles burned and he felt like throwing up, until he couldn't go anymore.

He stopped on the corner, panting loudly and holding onto the fence to stop himself from falling. The pain of it distracted him, the burning in his legs made him feel so much better. He turned to hobble back to the house, he wasn't sure how far he'd run, he tried to run back but simply couldn't.

"Ludwig?" a familiar foreign accent called, Ludwig turned his head and frowned.

"Kiku," he said in return, continuing to walk.

The smaller man jogged over to him, walking alongside him. "Are you ok?" he asked, "You look pale and you're limping…"

Ludwig nodded, continuing to walk and wishing he'd not exhausted himself so he could walk faster, he really didn't want to talk.

"Uh," Kiku started, biting his lip and looking down, entwining his fingers, "…I heard what happened with Feliciano."

Ludwig huffed, "Of course you did."

It had been a surprise that Feliciano hadn't turned it into a big media circus, doing big interviews about how Ludwig had smashed his heart for no reason.

Kiku frowned, "You don't have to snap at me." Ludwig wasn't aware he had snapped. "I am sorry though Ludwig… but I did tell you this would happen, I said it would end badly."

Ludwig glared at the black haired man, his temper rising again, he grit his teeth, "Fuck off Kiku," he said loudly, fully intending to snap. "I don't want to talk to you, you've already proved you aren't my friend, why are you even here."

"Because I am your friend Ludwig, and you've just been through a break up and I want to help you through it," he said calmly.

Ludwig grit his teeth, stopping in his tracks and turning his head to look at Kiku, "You are here to gloat, Kiku, you wanted this to end badly, and you are not my friend. Get out of my sight Kiku."

He summoned all the strength and will he had and forced himself to jog forward, leaving Kiku in his dust. He turned the corner, now able to see his home, he felt like his heart was going to explode, he could feel his pulse throbbing through his body.

He stumbled into the house, panting loudly, each breath tearing at his chest, pain radiating through him.

He fell onto the sofa, trying to calm his breathing, he closed his eyes and let out a small moan, laying still till he fell asleep, exhausted.


	20. Chapter 20

Gilbert huffed softly as he walked into the house, placing his bag of food down by the door and taking off his shoes, putting them on the new shoe rack before looking through the house, trying to hear signs of life but not hearing anything.

"Ludwig?" he called, straining his hearing. He rolled his eyes after not getting a reply, "Luddy?" he cooed, beginning to look through the rooms, he guessed he'd be in his bedroom but he thought it'd be a good idea to check other places first.

The past few weeks had been extremely hard on Ludwig, it was obvious, he looked depressed, as if a physical cloud was hovering over him. He had good days where he'd seem happy, but the smallest thing would make him flip and he'd fall into a pit of rage or sadness.

It was so distressing, whenever Ludwig was around it was like standing on egg shells. There was so much Gilbert felt he could no longer talk about, he hated it, he felt so… censored, he hated it. He hated being unable to say things, he liked his job because he was able to say what he wanted, working in a garage people expected controversial, even vulgar conversation, he hated that he couldn't act the same at home anymore.

Gilbert smiled as he came to Ludwig's now posterless bedroom, finding him huddled in his bed, watching some foreign show.

"Ludwig," Gilbert started slowly, taking a few steps into the room, "I bought Chinese food? You said yesterday you wanted some."

Ludwig looked up at him, almost glaring, "I'm gaining weight because of the medication already Gilbert, I don't want to make it worse by eating fatty foods. I get cravings but I don't follow them."

Gilbert huffed, "Well… I spent a lot, I got you the full works, you can either come and eat it, or sit up here while I eat it."

The younger boy shifted slightly, as if weighing the options in his head. Eventually he grumbled and got out of bed, Gilbert couldn't help noticing he was still in the boxers and shirt he'd been in when he left.

"You didn't get dressed today?" Gilbert asked, meaning the question to be a harmless observation but realising how it sounded after he'd said it, quickly adding on, "You didn't go running?"

Ludwig shook his head, walking with Gilbert from the room, "No, I didn't feel like it."

They walked down the stairs, both of them unsure how to continue the conversation. Gilbert picked up the large bag of food and carried it through to the kitchen, unpacking the containers and laying them out on the table.

Ludwig chewed his lip as he picked up a few of the small plastic boxes, taking a fork and moving to leave the room, Gilbert giving a small cough. Ludwig turned to see him, crossed arms and frowning.

"Put that back on the table, you're eating in here with me tonight," he stated. He'd had enough of Ludwig hiding away in his room, it wasn't good for him, being stuck in this rut wasn't good for him, he needed to try to continue his normal life, doing normal things, if he didn't then he'd just get worse. He wasn't helping himself.

Ludwig huffed loudly like the angsty teen he was, "I was watching something."

"It was an online show, you paused it right? It can wait."

Ludwig huffed again, frowning as he walked to the table and sat down, beginning to eat out of the containers. Gilbert's frown deepened, he took the container from the younger boy despite his weak protest and tipped it out onto a plate, adding some of the other foods he'd bought, piling it onto the china plate.

The boy stared at it, glaring up at Gilbert before beginning to eat the small mound of food.

Gilbert smiled, feeling as if he'd won a war, and sat down, piling food onto his own plate and beginning to eat. He shifted uncomfortably as his new wallet dug into his backside, he internally cursed his skinny jeans and pulled his wallet out, placing it on the table absentmindedly.

After a moment Gilbert noticed Ludwig's eyes pinned to the wallet, frowning deeply.

"I told you to throw that out," he half-snapped, gritting his teeth.

Gilbert looked at the wallet, his body stiffening slightly, his breath hitching.

He found himself frowning defensively, hid hand going to the wallet, "I didn't want to just throw it out. I looked it up and this thing cost fifty euros, that's too much to just throw away and you know how much I needed a new wallet."

"Throw it away," Ludwig growled, "I won't have anything from him in the house."

Gilbert grit his teeth and exhaled slowly, "Fine." He swallowed hard, beginning to empty the wallet, tipping his things out next to his plate.

"What about Romano?" Gilbert asked coldly, "Is he not allowed to visit anymore? He is after all a relative of him and he looks similar." He chewed his lip, he'd wanted to ask him for a while but he hadn't been sure how to approach it, so he decided to ask plainly. "You know how I feel about him."

Ludwig swallowed hard. "I…" he frowned, exhaling slowly as he thought. "I can't stop you from seeing him, but I don't want to see…"

He couldn't bring himself to say his name.

Gilbert nodded, "Ok," he sighed, "Romano hasn't wanted to come over because of how upset Feliciano's been."

Ludwig felt himself frown at the mention of his name. "W-Well that's because he's selfish. He'd let his own feelings come in the way of his brother's happiness."

Gilbert felt his spirits drop. He didn't see why Ludwig was reacting this adversely, well, he could, Feliciano had gone against his wishes and divulged information he shouldn't have, but Ludwig was over reacting. Feliciano was used to sharing everything with the press, his entire life was up for observation. He couldn't help sharing information, it was normal for him.

"Feliciano hasn't told him not to, Romano's just worried about him, like I am about you."

Ludwig scoffed, "So now you're comparing us?" he huffed, beginning to get up, "I'm not talking about this, I'm not talking about him with you. Romano can come over, whatever, I don't give a shit."

He picked up his plate and headed up the stairs, slamming his door before sitting at his desk, he played the program on his laptop before beginning to eat, trying to calm himself.

He couldn't believe Gilbert would keep that wallet, he knew what it meant, what all the things Feliciano had sent meant to him. They were all reminders of his betrayal.

He wanted to forget him, he'd gotten rid of everything he'd given him, everything that served as a reminder, all his CD's and posters, the interview tapes he'd downloaded onto his computer, his desktop and phone background.

It had completely upturned his life, he hadn't realised how much of his life depended on Feliciano until he had decided to completely remove all traces of him.

It hadn't made him feel any better, it just made him miss him more. He hated it so much, it made him feel so weak.

He finished his food, moving back over to his bed to continue watching his series, he absentmindedly looked down at his phone, unable to stop himself wondering how Feliciano was taking this.

He grit his teeth, digging his nails into his palms, he tried so hard not to think about him. He didn't know why he couldn't get that stupid boy off his mind.

He threw his phone in frustration, his eyes widening as it hit the wall and broke apart. His head filled with panic as he scrambled to pick up the pieces, putting the phone back together, turning it on and praising god that it hadn't broken.

He exhaled softly, settling back on the bed and trying to calm himself. He let out a small choked noise, gritting his teeth and wiping his eyes, swearing loudly at himself. He hated this, he didn't want to feel this anymore. He just wanted it to end.


	21. Chapter 21

Feliciano looked down at his phone, his spirits dropping as he read his old messages from Ludwig, he felt himself shake as he put the phone down. The past week had been the worst so far for him. He'd not left his room other than to eat, barely talked to Romano, he'd missed a meeting with his record producer, refused to talk to him at all even though all the man wanted to do was congratulate him on beating some record, Feliciano wasn't sure what record and he didn't care.

He'd arranged to meet him on Monday, two days time, he was leaving them, giving up, he couldn't do it anymore. His career had driven Ludwig away. He just couldn't.

He threw his phone across the darkened room, watching it smash as it hit the wall.

He was so…

He wasn't even sad any more, he didn't know what he was, he couldn't cry anymore, he wanted to but tears just wouldn't come.

Empty, that was what he felt, empty.

Although they had only been together for five months, Ludwig had meant the world to him.

For those five months he'd felt more alive than he ever had before, he looked forward to waking up in the morning because he knew he'd have a message from him, because he knew it was one day closer to seeing him.

Now Ludwig was gone, his world was gone.

He'd never realised how empty his life was, he had no friends, no long term goals.

With Ludwig he'd started to imagine them, life after his run of fame.

Now he didn't see a future for himself.

Nothing held any meaning any more, the past two months had been torture, every day he wanted to do less.

Stop going out, stop drawing, stop singing, what was next? Would he stop eating? Stop breathing?

Part of him really wished he could just stop.

His head jerked up as he heard Romano outside the door, he sat up as it opened slowly, Romano frowning as he looked through the gap in the door.

"Are you coming downstairs for dinner Feliciano?" he said softly, his voice uncharacteristically soft and sweet.

Feliciano shook his head, "No I don't think so, just bring it up here I'll eat in here."

Romano let out a small huff, "Remember to bring down the plate, we ran out of plates last week because they were all up here."

"They weren't all up here," Feliciano replied, giving his brother a small smile, Romano returning it before closing the door.

Feliciano stared at it for a moment, his smile turning to a frown as he realised what Romano was trying to do. He was trying to help, and Feliciano was rebuking it for no reason other than him feeling sad.

He forced himself to his feet and down the stairs where he found Romano standing at the stove, stirring something delicious smelling.

"I thought you weren't coming down?" Romano asked, looking over from the pot as he heard Feliciano sit down.

The boy shrugged, "I broke my phone," he stated, playing with his napkin, tearing at it purposefully.

"What?!" Romano snapped, the first time he'd snapped at Feliciano in at least a week. "Why would you do that Feli? Iphones are expensive."

He shrugged again, looking down, feeling himself tear up, "I don't know," he almost whimpered, "I was just… I was angry I think."

Romano frowned and huffed softly, walking over to him and running his hand through his hair. He was trying so hard to be supportive, he wasn't naturally a supportive person, not on a one to one basis at least, but he was really trying, he hoped Feliciano could tell.

"Maybe I should take you to a doctor Feli?" he said softly, "You're having mood swings and you don't want to go out or do anything anymore."

Feliciano blinked back tears, shrugging again, whispering that he wasn't sure if it was a good idea.

"Gilbert told me that Ludwig's on medication," Romano decided to mention, "It's really helped him. Perhaps it would help you?"

Feliciano looked up at him, teary eyed and shaking, "You think that'll help persuade me?" he groaned softly, "I upset him so much he had to have medication, how is that meant to make me feel better?"

Romano frowned and shook his head, "No, Feli, he's been on medication for months, it's nothing to do with what happened between you. You've not given him depression, that's not how it works."

He frowned as Feliciano let out a small whimper, nothing he was saying was doing anything to help, if anything it was making it worse.

"Just go to the doctor ok? I'll make an appointment," he moved back to the stove, looking back at his younger brother as he resumed cooking, "It'll make you feel better I promise, even if you don't take medication, you can still talk to them about how you're feeling and they'll be able to give better advice than me."

Feliciano chewed his lip, did Romano really think his advice didn't help him? He'd been the most stable thing in his life, his mere presence made him feel calmer, less lost and alone. He got up from his seat and walking behind Romano, hugging him and nuzzling into his neck, crying softly.

"You're the best brother in the world Lovi," he said through tears, the sound muffled slightly against his brother's skin, "I love you, I'm sorry I'm making so much trouble, I-I know I'm making it hard."

Romano shrugged him off, wrapping his arm around him and pulling him into a rare hug, kissing the side of his face, "Well you're an idiot if you think you're not worth it."


	22. Chapter 22

Feliciano looked through the IPhones on show, pouting softly as he played around with them, waiting for Romano to be done in the backroom with all the… technical people.

He could tell that people were staring at him, he could hear his name being repeated by the groups of people who passed, many of them sneaking pictures of him on their phone.

No one came up to him. He looked too much of a mess, too unstable. His hair was greasy and his clothes covered in stains, he wasn't wearing anything special like he usually would when going out, he was dressed in jogging bottoms and a baggy hoodie, one of Ludwig's that he'd happened to leave during one of his visits, one that Feliciano had begged to let him keep.

He knew what everyone thought, they said he'd had a breakdown or something. Romano wouldn't let him read the papers so he knew it was bad, but he'd seen the stands and seen the photos there of him looking sorry for himself, pale and as if he'd not eaten in days.

He'd started taking antidepressants but if anything they were making him feel worse. Apparently that was normal for the first few weeks, but still he hated it.

Romano emerged from the back of the shop, a new phone in hand, smiling softly as he walked towards him.

"Here you go," he said as he handed over the brand new phone, "Don't break this one."

"I won't," Feliciano almost sneered, "I'm on my pills, I'm better now."

Romano shook his head, "That's not how it works, Feli." The doctor had said that the pills would take a few weeks to fully work, Feliciano had so far gained his energy back, be he was as low as ever. "…Just please don't break the phone…"

Romano couldn't help but be worried, he knew the first few weeks on antidepressants were the most dangerous, he just didn't want the younger boy to get hurt.

"I won't Romano," Feliciano said shortly, letting out a small huff. Romano had noticed how snappy the boy had become, he'd tried not to mention it but it was hard to ignore, Romano had a very abrasive nature as it was, not responding to his younger brother's jibes was particularly difficult.

He swallowed hard, gritting his teeth and letting out an equally annoyed sounding huff.

His eyes widened as he saw Feliciano's face drop at the noise he'd made. "Feli-" he bit his lip, "I didn't mean that."

Feliciano nodded, frowning sadly, his breath shortening, "Yes you did, you don't think I'm telling the truth Romano. I'm am! I said I won't break it."

Romano held up his hands, "Ok, Feli, ok…" he took Feliciano's hand, the other boy holding it limp, "Let's go ok, you can't cause a scene here."

Feliciano shook his head, "Everyone already think I'm crazy Romano, why shouldn't I-I start crying in public?"

"You're not crazy," Romano snapped, giving Feliciano's arm a soft tug, "You are ill and you are getting better, you're making things harder for yourself, your publicity has taken a big hit as it is without you breaking down in the middle of the apple store."

Feliciano let out a soft grunt of anguish, pulling his arm out of Romano's grip, gritting his teeth as tears sprung to his eyes, "I don't care about publicity, I don't want publicity! I-I want…" he began to sob, shaking and moving slowly to hug Romano, sobbing into his chest, "He was the only good thing in my life Romano, I miss him so much."

Romano rubbed his back, shushing him, trying to ignore the pinning glares from the people who passed.

"Let's go home Feli, we can put a film on and eat gelato, ok? Does that sound good?"

Feliciano nodded into his brother's chest, "Yeah… I just want to die Romano," he choked out, clawing at his shirt.

"No you don't," Romano said stubbornly, pulling away, holding Feliciano's face and looking into his eyes, "Don't say anything like that Feli, ever, if anything happened to you Feliciano I don't know what would happen… let's just go ok?"

Feliciano nodded, pulling away from Romano, "Yeah, ok… I'm sorry. I love you Romano, but I-I just… I don't know what's wrong with me."

"You have depression, that's what's wrong. Now come on, that gelato won't eat itself." He took Feliciano's hand again, holding him close as he led him to the car, buckling his belt for him and beginning to drive the twenty minute route home.

He looked over at his younger brother occasionally, the boy staring down at his feet or out the window. He'd stopped crying now at least.

"Your pills aren't working properly yet," Romano said softly.

Feliciano let out a small hum, nodding and looking up at him, "…Maybe I should take more?"

He frowned, "No Feli that's not how it works, that's dangerous."

"Maybe a higher dose-"

"No, Feli," Romano tried to keep his voice soft, "That's not how it works."

"But it's not fucking working Romano!" Feliciano said loudly, starting to sob again, "I feel worse than ever, I feel so bad all the time I-I…" he fell into loud sobs, looking away and holding his hand out, pulling up his sleeve to show Romano a small cluster of tiny scratches on his upper arm.

Romano's eyes widened, breaking sharply in the middle of the road, taking Feliciano's arm to look at the small scratches.

"You did this to yourself?" he said weakly, his face paling.

Feliciano bit his lip and nodded, not wanting to look his brother in the eye. There was nothing really to the scratches, they'd barely broken the skin, he hated the thought of hurting himself, but he just… He thought it would make him feel better.

Romano let out a short breath, "H-how could you…?" he shook softly, letting go of the boys arm, "I've been doing everything I can to make you better, to help you Feliciano, how could you do this to yourself? Did you think this would make it better? Did you think this would help you?"

Feliciano sobbed loudly, shaking his head, "I-I didn't… I wasn't thinking Romano I just did it. I-I'm sorry."

Romano stared at him, tears pricking his eyes, "…Feliciano," he squeaked, "You can't do it again. I-I'm taking away everything sharp in your room, I'm not letting you out of my sight until the pills start working."

Feliciano looked away again, huddling in on himself. Romano was treating him like a criminal, he knew what he'd done was bad, but he didn't want to do it again, he hadn't wanted to do it in the first place, but, he hadn't been able to stop the urge, he'd had the urge to for weeks, but he'd been trying to resist, painting, tearing paper, he'd even sneaked onto Romano's gaming system and played a number of destructive games.

"…You don't need to watch me all the time Romano, I did it once, I won't do it again, I promise."

Romano huffed and frowned, beginning to drive again, "…Yes I do. I love you Feliciano, I'm not taking any chances. I won't let you hurt yourself."

Feliciano swallowed hard and nodded, "…Ok Romano," he squeaked, "I love you, I'm sorry I didn't want to upset you, I'm sorry."

Romano huffed softly and nodded, "I know Feli, I love you too, I'm…" he bit his lip as they pulled into their driveway, turning to him, "I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt this bad," he frowned, "I mean, I did, but I…" he sighed softly, glancing away, "I just want you to be ok."

The smaller boy nodded again, "I will be," he said softly, "When the pills are working I'll be ok again, I won't want to… to do anything like that again."

Romano let Feliciano out of the car, leading him into the house and leading him to the sofa, he sat the boy down and got a pot of gelato from the kitchen, bringing two spoons for them.

"There," he announced, sitting down and handing Feliciano a spoon.

The boy huddled up to him, beginning to play with his new phone and absently eating the gelato. Romano put a film on, Feliciano having no say in what they watched, he picked an old horror film, he knew Feliciano was paying no attention, so it may as well be something he liked.

"I don't like scary films," Feliciano mumbled once he realised what'd been put on, Romano let out a small huff and changed the channel, wrapping his arm around his smaller brother and hugging him tight. "Thank you," the boy squeaked.

"It's ok," Romano said softly, "I just want you to be happy, Feli. I'd do anything to help, you know that."

Feliciano nodded, "Yeah, I know."


	23. Chapter 23

Ludwig let out a deep involuntary sigh as he sat at the breakfast table, today was the first day in almost a month that he'd gotten up before 2pm. For some reason he constantly found himself unable to sleep at night, staying up until the early hours of the morning and sleeping through most of the day, he'd been told it was usual for teens with depression to suffer through strange sleeping patterns, but that didn't help.

He felt a lot better today, it happened occasionally, he'd wake up feeling almost normal and unless something went wrong he'd feel relatively happy throughout the day. But even then one bad thing would send him back into the pit of anger and sadness that he'd grown so used to.

Gilbert smiled as he took his own seat, putting his food down next to his paper and placing Ludwig's food down in front of him.

"I thought we could go out today," Gilbert said, posing the sentence as a suggestion, though Ludwig knew he had no real say, if Gilbert said 'perhaps we should' or 'I thought we could' it meant it was going to happen.

"Where?" Ludwig asked, cutting up his bacon and sausages before beginning to shovel down the food.

Gilbert huffed softly, leaning back in his chair, "There's a theme park a couple of hours away. It opened last week."

Ludwig perked up slightly, a soft smile coming to his face, "Really?" he'd heard about that park but he'd never dreamt of going there, he'd assumed it would be too expensive, especially as Gilbert had had to take some time off work to look after him.

"Can we afford it..?" he asked, his voice weakening slightly.

Gilbert scoffed, rolling his eyes, "Don't worry about that Ludwig," he chuckled and shook his head, "We're going to the theme park, we can eat there and everything, we're doing the full works."

Ludwig nodded reluctantly, "Ok… Ok that sounds good."

Gilbert smiled widely, "Awesome. We're leaving at 9:30, so, finish your food and get dressed. There won't be any traffic because it's a weekday, we'll get there by 11."

Ludwig let out a weak chuckle, beginning to eat his food quickly and happily as Gilbert began reading the paper.

His smile fell fast as he saw a small photo at the bottom of the front page. The figure was undoubtedly Feliciano, but he looked different, he looked pale and sickly, dirty and messy.

"Gil," he grunted, looking at the photo, Gilbert took a moment to realise what he was looking at, frowning as he looked at the photo and scanned the story.

"Oh," the older man said softly, letting out a huff. The story was grossly exaggerated, but it might be a good idea for Ludwig to read it? Maybe it would help him see that he wasn't the only one suffering? "Do you want to read it?" he asked.

Ludwig let out a soft huff, he wasn't sure if he should or not, Gilbert stuck the paper out towards him, shaking it slightly to urge him to take it.

He let his will break and took the paper, reading the small story about the foreign star.

He frowned at the content, it was saying that Feliciano had been seen in public, dishevelled, breaking down due to his own depression.

Atypical behaviour; Ludwig knew Feliciano would never talk about his problems openly in front of other people, Romano would never let him, he knew how much the older man cared about their public image. He was surprised he allowed him to leave the house dressed as he was.

Ludwig let out a small huff, putting the paper on the table.

"Something wrong?" Gilbert pried gently.

Ludwig chewed his lip, "I feel sorry for him," he said quietly, looking down at his food.

Gilbert let out a small grunt, "…I don't think he's faking."

Ludwig frowned, pushing his food around his plate, "Me either," he looked up, "But that doesn't change what he did."

The older man sighed and nodded, absentmindedly pulling up the leg of his jeans to scratch his ankle. "Well try not to focus on it," he forced a smile, "We're having a fun day remember? Finish your food or we'll leave late."

It took Ludwig a few minutes to force the food down his gullet and force the unpleasant thoughts out of his mind, he focussed so hard on not thinking about Feliciano that he was dressed in one of his old green shirts with his favourite pair jeans and about to get in the car before he knew it.

...

...

Feliciano flopped onto the sofa, fully dressed in his pale blue hoodie and a pair of new dark trousers that in his opinion made his arse look fantastic. He had no idea why Romano had made him get up so early, he was half asleep still, it was only nine o'clock, he shouldn't be awake for another two hours at least.

He'd done everything Romano had asked robotically, gotten up, gotten dressed, eaten, taken his pills, brushed his teeth, put a hamper full of food in the car. When Romano had stopped giving him instructions he'd wandered into the living room and sat down.

Wait why had Romano asked him to put food in the car?

He needed some coffee…

He stumbled into the kitchen, finding a pot of coffee had already been made, he poured himself some and drank it fast, so fast he gave himself hiccups, but he felt more alert within minutes.

But maybe that was simply the pills finally kicking in? Who knew?

"Romano?" Feliciano shouted, his voice cracking, no idea where his brother was in the house. "Where are we going?"

The sound of his brother's voice echoed down from his room, presumably now that Romano had gotten Feliciano ready he was getting ready himself. "To that amusement park remember?" he yelled down, "We talked about it last night."

Truthfully Feliciano didn't remember, he'd been half asleep then too. He was tired all the time now, he could tell it annoyed Romano, but he couldn't help it, he couldn't stop it, part of him believed the only reason it annoyed him was because he often fell asleep while Romano was playing his games, and it meant Romano couldn't cheer as loudly as he wanted when he won, or swear as much when he lost.

"Oh ok," Feliciano shouted back up, pretending he knew what was happening.

An amusement park would be nice, he guessed, he'd not been to one in years, he'd been too busy.

He felt excitement build inside him, he let out a small squeak, an odd burst of happiness. The pills really must be working for him if he were able to get excited about this.

He stood in the doorframe, waiting for Romano to come down to explain to him properly what was happening,

The older man practically jumped down the stairs, seeming uncharacteristically exuberant, maybe the pills weren't working and Feliciano was reflecting Romano's odd mood.

Feliciano giggled at the man's appearance, "Romano, your hair?" he said, gesturing to the messy mop on his older brother's head.

Romano blushed visibly, frowning, "…I just thought I'd try something different."

Feliciano let out a tiny scoff, shaking his head, "Romano your hair looks fine normally, You don't need to do this." He giggled again, stepping forward to straighten his hair with his fingers.

"Feli," Romano half-growled, "Stop it, I want to look good today."

"And now you do look good," Feliciano smiled as he pulled away, "Perfect."

Romano huffed loudly, running his own fingers through his hair, "Fine, whatever… Did you drink your coffee?" Feliciano nodded. "Take your pills?" He nodded again. "Brush your teeth?" Another nod.

"You don't need to baby me Romano," Feliciano cooed. "Now where is it that we're going..?"

"An amusement park, I told you, we're taking a picnic. Have you forgotten what today is?"

Feliciano frowned, all attempts to think failing him.

A picnic sounded nice though, he'd always loved picnics."

Romano smirked and scoffed softly, "It's the anniversary of your first hit, Feli. I thought we should do something special."

"Oh," Feliciano said, biting his lip. He didn't want to think about his career right now, it made him feel so bad, he couldn't handle it. "…If we go to the park, can you not talk about it..?"

Romano shifted on his feet: this was what he got for trying to do something nice… though the amusement park might take his mind off it, so it paid off either way.

"Maybe we should go now," Romano started, smiling and patting Feliciano's arm.

The boy frowned, "Promise you won't talk about it," he pled.

Romano nodded, "I won't if you don't want me to. Your wallet's in the car already, let's get going so we don't hit traffic."


	24. Chapter 24

Ludwig looked out the window of the car, tapping the window with his knuckles, feeling unexpectedly excited about visiting this park, it'd been worked on for months, the people at school had been talking about it since its announcement almost two years ago. Ludwig had at first hoped that he'd be able to bring Kiku with him, during his relationship Feliciano he had hoped to bring him, he hadn't guessed he'd end up coming on his own, invited by his brother as a way of distracting him from his mental problems.

They parked up, Gilbert drawing his attention as he moved to open the door by placing his hand on his knee.

"Ludwig," he said, sounding oddly serious, "I have something to tell you."

Ludwig settled back into his chair, looking his older brother up and down, he seemed nervous.

"I have, uh, omitted information about today," he said weakly, forcing a smile.

"What do you mean?" Ludwig asked, feeling his internal barriers raising, a frown appearing on his face as he straightened slightly.

Gilbert bit his lip, "You'll know when you see it," he said, still smiling, "Promise you won't get mad at me."

Ludwig raised an eyebrow, "I won't get mad if you don't give me anything to get mad about. What is it Gilbert..?"

Gilbert's forced smile widened, "Just get out the car Ludwig…"

He did as he was told, following Gilbert as he began to walk towards a small field lined with picnic tables.

He frowned, looking around, he had no idea what Gilbert had meant.

"Ah," Gilbert said almost triumphantly, beginning to walk towards one of the tables on the other side of the field.

Ludwig squinted across, he couldn't make out who it was. There were two figures, one of them got to his feet, jogging towards them. He took a step back as he realised who it was, his mouth lulling open as his brother walked forward with his arms wide, pulling the approaching man into a hug.

"Lovino!" Gilbert said happily, giving him a squeeze before letting go, pausing for a moment to look him over.

Ludwig felt himself pale, Romano was here? The other person couldn't be..?

Feliciano looked up as his brother left him, running up to a couple across the field and pulling one into an embrace. He'd never seen his brother be so eager to hug someone.

He got to his feet, following after him, wondering who he was with.

He began to smile as he realised who they were, his heart pounding in his chest and tears of happiness coming to his eyes.

Ludwig was here.

Did he want to meet again?

Did that mean he'd forgiven him?

His heart pounded hard in his throat as he walked up to them, his smile dropping as he saw the astonished expression of the older boy's face.

"Ludwig?" he squeaked.

Ludwig's eyes widened, bile rising in his throat, he suddenly lost the ability to speak or breathe, he felt like a lead weight had just fallen on him.

"Feli?" he said in return, his voice weak, about to break.

This was it, he was going to die, here and now, through embarrassment and anger.

Feliciano exhaled sharply, unsure of what to say, his eyes wide, "Ludwig I missed you so much, I-I've been so sad, please you've got to forgive me, I can't live without you I-I'm-"

Ludwig stared at him as he blabbered on, the boy starting to cry as he tried desperately to explain himself, their brothers standing side by side, looking on.

"Ludwig please, say something to me, please," Feliciano pled, reaching out a hand to hold Ludwig's. Ludwig jerked his hand away, anger rising in him at the boy's touch.

"No Feliciano," Ludwig snapped, "I said I didn't want to talk to you and I meant it. You don't care about me or what I want Feli, if you did you wouldn't have come here."

"No," Feliciano squeaked through tears, "I do care about you Ludwig I swear," he let out a small sob, shifting, wanting to fling himself into Ludwig's arms but not being able to. "Please, Ludwig."

Ludwig shook his head, feeling his eyes sting, he turned and began to walk away, praying that Feliciano wouldn't follow him, he couldn't face him now, he needed to think, he felt like he was going to explode.

Feliciano let out a sob as the older boy walked away, he turned to look at Romano, "Lovi," he whimpered, taking a step towards him. Romano moved away from Gilbert's side, pulling the smaller boy into a hug.

"Feliciano," Romano cooed, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry… We thought that if you two got a chance to talk then you might work it out." He turned, frowning at Gilbert, "Your brother is a fucking bastard, you said he was more rational now, you said you thought this would work?!"

Gilbert shrugged, "I thought it would, I'm sorry Lovi, Feli, I really thought it would work, I thought he was having a good day…"

"Well go and talk to him," Romano snapped over the sound of Feliciano's sobs, "Get him back here."

Gilbert nodded, "Yeah, ok Lovi." He gave a small nod before trotting off towards his car.

Feliciano hugged Romano tightly, crying against him, pulling away after a moment and looking over towards Gilbert's car, giving his eyes a wipe to clear his vision. "Can I wait in the car please Romano? Just for a little?"

Romano paused for a moment, thinking it over in his head, he didn't feel comfortable leaving Feliciano alone. He'd only been on his pills a few weeks and they weren't working yet, no matter how much Feliciano assured him they were.

He'd already taken everything dangerous from the car, unless his younger brother was willing and able to rip open the chair cushion and tear out a spring there wasn't any way he could harm himself.

"Ok, Feli," he pulled out the keys, taking his brother's hand and walking him to their car. He sat him down and threw the keys down on the driver's seat, closing Feliciano's door and walking round to get in his side of the car. He heard the wurr of the internal locks, he frowned as he tried the handle, not able to open it. "Feli?" he said, a slight panic striking him.

The boy didn't respond.

"Feliciano Veneziano Vargas you open this door right fucking now!"

Feliciano looked up at him, teary eyed, his lip quivering along with his voice, "I just want to be alone for a little, please Romano."

Romano leant against the side of the car, watching his brother begin to cry again.

There was nothing dangerous in the car, he knew that, he was certain. "Ok Feli," he said softly, nodding, "I'm going to talk to Gilbert."

Feliciano nodded, tears streaming down his face again. Romano walked across the carpark to the car he knew to be Gilbert's, frowning weakly at the men leaning against it.

"He's crying," he stated, trying to stop tears appearing in his own eyes, he hated when his brother got this upset.

Ludwig looked towards Romano's car. He was still so filled with hatred, he couldn't stop it bubbling over.

"Why did you two try to do this?" he asked, trying to keep his voice calm.

"Because we care about you," Gilbert said, frowning, "You've been so miserable without Feli, and he's been miserable without you. I know what he did was bad but look what's happened to him since, you suffer without each other."

"So what you want me to forget what he did and go out with him again?" Ludwig deadpanned, looking between them.

"We want you to fucking forgive him!" Romano yelled, his face turning red with frustration, "He did a stupid thing, but he does stupid things all the time, he is stupid! He tells everyone everything Ludwig, he cannot keep a secret, it is impossible for him. You go over to that car right fucking now and you tell him you forgive him!"

Ludwig frowned, letting out a small huff, "No, he should apologise to me."

"He has," Gilbert growled, "He has apologised countless times Ludwig, and he means it each time. You are being stubborn, you need to stop."

Ludwig paused, his head bowing slightly as he thought it over… He'd let his anger get the better of him, and not talking about it made him more angry, he couldn't help it.

"Maybe if you verbalise how you feel, you will start to feel better?" Gilbert offered, "You've kept all your emotions pent up, you need to talk to Feliciano about what's happened. It'll make you feel better."

Ludwig frowned, that sounded like a dumb idea… but…

He frowned as he thought about it.

"Feliciano can't talk to me, if I talk to him he must listen, he can't talk while I try to talk," he frowned, "I get so angry when he talks… He just keeps saying sorry and giving excuses why he did it, it makes me so angry."

Romano frowned, the idea that anyone could be that angry at Feliciano baffled him, it made him angry. "Fine," he said sharply, "I'll go and talk to him, see if I can get him to agree." He glanced at Gilbert, giving a small longing smile before beginning to walk off.

Ludwig huffed as the shorter man walked off, he looked at Gilbert, noting the strange look on his face. "You shouldn't have done this."

Gilbert looked at his feet, biting his lip, "I know," he said softly, looking back up towards Romano. He paused for a moment, letting out a soft sigh, "…There's something about Italians isn't there."

Ludwig frowned at him, crossing his arms, "What do you mean?"

Gilbert smiled weakly, his eyes still pinned on the other man's figure as he reached their car, "When you first found out about him, you kept saying 'But he's Italian, Gilbert' and I never understood why that was important, but I think I get it now."


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicide tw? Suicide attempt tw?

The two German's watched with frowns as the older Italian brother tried to open the car door, he seemed to be panicking, banging on the window and shouting, though what he was shouting neither of them could tell.

The man turned, screaming Gilbert's name, that they could make out quite clearly. Gilbert frowned at the panic in his voice and ran towards him, leaving Ludwig wondering what was wrong, what had happened.

What had Feliciano done?

He took a few steps forward, unsure if he should approach or… he didn't know what was going on.

Gilbert had reached the car, he and Romano were talking. He began banging on the windows himself, moving away to pick up a rock from the floor, banging it against the glass and smashing it.

Ludwig began to jog towards them, something had to be wrong, really wrong. He stopped as he watched Gilbert pull a limp body from the car window, laying him flat on the floor.

"Feliciano..?" Ludwig said with a whimper.

What had happened?

He broke into a sprint, running up to them. He wanted to ask what had happened but the sight of Feliciano lying on the floor, barely breathing… The lump that had appeared in his throat stopped him speaking.

He dropped to his knees at Feliciano's side, his breathing becoming erratic as he looked over the smaller man… he'd never seemed this small before, Ludwig was afraid of touching him, as if he'd break from the slightest pressure.

Gilbert grabbed Feliciano by the shoulders, checking his pulse and the dilation of his eyes.

"Get back Lud, I've got to see if he's ok," his brother said, Ludwig did as he was told, he looked up at Romano, seeing him crying, sobbing loudly though for some reason Ludwig couldn't hear it properly, his vision was becoming distorted, he felt like he was going to faint.

"He's ok, I think," Gilbert said, his voice hurting Ludwig's head. "Romano, it's ok... I'm calling an ambulance, I think he's taken something I need you to search the car, f-for packages or bottles or whatever, something to give the paramedics."

Romano nodded limply, his face pale as he turned to rifle through the glovebox of the car.

Ludwig returned to Feliciano's side as Gilbert moved away, calling 112 and telling them their location.

"Tell them to hurry," Ludwig heard himself say in German as he looked down at the boy, he was barely conscious, looking up at him, his eyes filled with pain and disorientation, letting out small mumbled words.

"Feliciano," he whispered, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please, you've got to be ok Feli, you can't die, I'm so sorry," he felt himself began to cry, tears falling onto Feliciano's shirt.

"They're going to be here soon," Gilbert assured him, "Less than ten minutes, I told them what happened, he's going to be ok."

The older German looked over at the car, approaching it, "Lovi?" he asked softly, "Have you found anything? It's ok if you haven't it's not that important."

"I-I have," Romano replied, his voice broken, he stepped out of the car shaking, "Th-this was full earlier," he said, holding out a bottle of Feliciano's antidepressants, "I didn't know he'd brought them, I-I…" his words faded into sobs and gasps.

"Lovi it's ok," Gilbert said, hugging him tightly, "You didn't know, it's not your fault, you understand?"

"It is my fault," he sobbed, pulling out of the hug, "I should have checked, I shouldn't have left him!" he let out a hard sob, "Oh god, he's going to die and it's my fault."

Gilbert shook his head, "He's not going to die." Ludwig let out a small sob, his whole body shaking, Gilbert looked at him, frowning, "He's not," he said loudly, frowning, "He's going to be fine," he pushed.

Ludwig looked down at the Italian boy in his arms, he didn't look fine, he looked so… His eyes widened as the boy let out a soft groan, twisting in his arms and letting out a strange noise.

"What's wrong?" Ludwig gasped, panic coming to his voice again, straightening himself slightly as he let out a haggard cough.

Gilbert crouched down at his side, taking Feliciano from him and laying him on the floor, turning him on his side before replying, "He's trying to throw up."

Romano sobbed in the background, watching his brother convulse and hack, letting out a small 'oh god' through his tears.

Gilbert looked up at him, frowning, "This is a good thing Romano, it gets some of the pills out of his system."

They looked down at the young Italian boy. "Ludwig, you need to hold him still," Gilbert instructed, "Try to make sure he doesn't choke ok."

The older man pulled away, getting to his feet and pulling Romano into a forced hug, the other man tried to pull away but Gilbert wouldn't let him, he knew he needed some sort of comfort and words wouldn't work.

"He's going to be fine, Lovi, he'll be ok," he whispered into his ear. He looked down at Feliciano and Ludwig, his heart sinking at the scene before him: Ludwig leaning over the boy's twitching body, crying silently and stroking his face, his mouth was moving as if he were talking, but no words were leaving him.

Gilbert frowned softly, trying to stop tears forming in his eyes, he had to be strong for everyone else here. "Ludwig, stay calm, it's going to be ok, the ambulance will be here any minute, and he's thrown up most of the pills already, it's ok."

Ludwig blinked up at his brother, how was he going to be ok? He was almost unconscious, convulsing, throwing up. How was this ok?

He tried to reply, letting out a strangled sob instead, his eyes dropping back down to Feliciano. This might be the last time he saw him, he didn't want to take his eyes off him.

"I'm sorry," he whimpered, repeating it through his tears, unable to stop saying it. "I love you so much Feli."

Gilbert's head jerked as he heard the ambulance siren, pulling away from Romano's side to wave the approaching ambulance to them. He turned back to take the empty bottle of pills from the older Italian, handing it to the first paramedic to get out, "He took these," he said quickly, the man nodded and thanked him as he walked past, pulling the stretcher out.

Ludwig watched wide eyed as the second of the two came to take Feliciano from him, checking his pulse and eyes as Gilbert had done, she began asking him rapid fire questions, he didn't know how to respond, words wouldn't come to him.

Gilbert came to his rescue, answering her questions and telling her that the other man had the bottle with the name of the pills he'd taken on it.

Ludwig watched as they took Feliciano away, he shakily got to his feet, trying to follow after him, he felt a hand press to his chest, "One passenger only," the woman said, "I'm sorry."

"Romano's going with him," Gilbert said from nearby, Ludwig looked round, feeling himself stumble slightly as his eyes set on his brother.

"We're going to follow them to the hospital," Gilbert explained, taking Ludwig's hand and leading him towards their car, Ludwig watching as the ambulance began to drive off.

Gilbert sat Ludwig down in the car, getting into the driver's seat and starting the car.

Ludwig watched the ambulance drive out of view, he grit his teeth, clenching his fists, he felt so helpless, so useless, he couldn't believe himself.

They began to drive after him. "…You were really good," he said weakly to his brother, "I… How did you do that?"

Gilbert smiled, glancing over at him as they drove, "I took a course after Berwald almost cut his arm off, remember?" he shook his head, "I was not good that time, I threw up twice and kept screaming…" he chuckled, "I was dumb."

Ludwig nodded, feeling his panic begin to subside, his breathing begin to calm.

"Thank you," he said slowly, "I… don't know what I would have done."

"Panicking is natural," Gilbert told him, "But you have to keep telling yourself that it's going to be ok, it keeps your head clear."

Ludwig frowned, "…So you don't really know that he's going to be ok?" he whispered.

Gilbert chewed his lip, letting out a soft exhale, "…I'm sure he'll be fine," he said weakly, though Ludwig could tell now that there wasn't much truth in his words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did some research on overdoses however the reaction is slightly different for each drug and I wasn't able to find proper parameters for antidepressants, so I am fully aware that the reaction are not 100% accurate, sorry.


	26. Chapter 26

Ludwig wasn't sure how long it'd been since they'd arrived at the hospital. Long enough for Romano to cry himself dry and fall asleep with his head on Gilbert's lap, the older man stroking his hair.

There was a knot the size of Germany in Ludwig's stomach, they'd been told Feliciano was stable and sleeping, they'd pumped his stomach and put him on an iv drip, but he couldn't get rid of it. He needed to see him, he needed to talk to him.

God he needed to apologise, he'd been such a moron, he couldn't believe it. He dug his nails into his arm, closing his eyes and focussing on the pain. He deserved it. He'd driven Feliciano to suicide, he deserved all the pain he could inflict upon himself.

Feliciano had been his hero, his best friend, the only man he'd ever loved, and he'd done this to him.

How could he live with himself after this?

In Ludwig's mind, Feliciano had been like a god, unable to do wrong, always there when he'd needed him, his voice had been enough to bring Ludwig back from the brink of a panic attack.

The boy he'd idolised and trusted more than anyone was now unconscious in a hospital bed because of him.

All because he wouldn't forgive him, for one mistake, why had he been so stubborn?

It would be better if Feliciano had never met him, but it was too late now.

"Ludwig?!" Gilbert snapped at him, Ludwig opened his eyes, seeing small beads of blood collecting at his nails where they met his skin. Gilbert slapped his hand away, gritting his teeth, "Don't you dare," he growled, returning his hand to Romano's hair, shaking his head as he moved back.

He leaned back in his chair, exhaling slowly, squirming slightly.

"I want to see Feli," he said quietly, pleading to no one, closing his eyes again.

He didn't feel himself fall asleep, he'd closed his eyes and the next thing he knew his brother was tapping him on the shoulder. He jerked his head up and saw that Romano was gone, he let out a small hum as he woke himself up.

"It's morning," Gilbert said, "Feliciano's awake."

"What?" Ludwig said, almost squeaking as his voice readjusted, looking around and running his hand through his hair. "How long?"

"About half an hour. Lovi's talking to him, you can go in when he's done."

"Does he want to talk to me?" Ludwig asked quietly, looking over at the hospital room door, "…After what I did."

Gilbert shrugged, "He's not requested it, but I think you should talk to him, Romano thinks so too."

Ludwig nodded, stretching as he stood up and walking over to stand by the door, he looked through the glass window, watching as Romano and Feliciano hugged, talking to each other in rapid Italian, Ludwig couldn't quite make out what they were saying and he didn't want to, it didn't seem like something he should intrude on, he turned away from the door, leaning against the wall.

"You better be nice," Gilbert said firmly, "You mustn't argue with him."

Ludwig shook his head, "I don't want to."

Gilbert crossed his arms, frowning, "You've changed your tune," he said almost judgingly.

"I did this to him, I drove him to this."

"Yeah, you did," Gilbert frowned, "Why couldn't you have forgiven him before it came to this?"

Ludwig looked down at his feet, letting out a small huff. He didn't want to talk about it but he knew Gilbert would pull it from him somehow. "I don't know," he said quietly as he thought, "I thought… I felt like he was putting on an act. I-I felt like it was all a lie, but I saw him," he swallowed hard, letting out an exhale as he tried to calm himself, "It made it real. And I don't know what I would do if…"

"You've got to think about this Ludwig, you can't tell him you want him back if you don't mean it," Gilbert instructed him.

Ludwig chewed his lip, he didn't want to talk about it with anyone before he'd talked to Feliciano. "Let me talk to Feliciano."

"You'll break his heart, you won't help him or yourself if you lie."

He grit his teeth, feeling his temper rise, "I'm not going to lie to him I just want to talk to him."

He jumped slightly as the door opened, Romano walking out and turning to look at him. "He wants to talk to you," he said, frowning, "If you say anything bad to him I will break your fucking neck."

Ludwig nodded and entered the room, leaving Gilbert and Romano outside.

"Feli," he said softly, looking over the boy, he was laid in the bed, the drip in his arm, other than the paleness to his face he looked perfectly fine.

"Ludwig," the boy said quietly with a tentative smile, glancing up at him but not able to keep eye contact.

Ludwig sat on the chair at the side of the bed, pausing for a moment to centre himself before he began to speak.

"Why did you do it Feli," he asked softly, hoping he wouldn't get the answer he expected.

Feliciano blinked rapidly, letting out a small quivering breath. "I…" he bit his lip and let out a squeak as emotion filled him again, he tried to keep himself calm but every word left him with a squeak or a crack. "You hate me, and I love you… I made you so angry a-and upset, I've never seen anyone so angry. I thought it would be better if I just…" his sentence trailed off and he lifted his hand to his face, wiping away tears that weren't there.

Ludwig frowned, leaning forward on his chair, "I'm sorry, Feliciano, I didn't mean to get so angry at you. I didn't know how… how stupid I was being."

Feliciano frowned at him in confusion, "You're not angry anymore?" he asked, his voice still weak.

Ludwig thought for a moment before shaking his head, "No," he said firmly, all anger he'd felt had evaporated from him as soon as he'd seen Feliciano unconscious in the car park, it had left him in the blink of an eye.

"But you hurt me," he continued, "I forgive you, but I don't…" he let out a small huff, "I know I overreacted, but I don't know if I trust you."

Feliciano let out another squeak, tears dripping down his face though this time he made no attempt to stop them. "I'm sorry," he whimpered.

Ludwig leaned forward, placing his hand on Feliciano's knee, "I know, I know you are, I'm sorry too," he swallowed hard, letting out a quivering breath, "…I'm sorry too… But it's going to take a while for me to be ok again." He shook his head, he knew it was irrational, but at the moment he couldn't think rationally. "I think it's because of my illness," he said quietly, looking down, he knew it wasn't a good excuse, but it was the only reason he could think of.

Feliciano looked him over, trying to control his breathing and stop crying. After a moment he finally opened his mouth to speak, "I still love you."

Ludwig bit his lip, "…I…" he said quietly, looking away. He grit his teeth, "I do love you, but I… I feel weird saying it now."

"So," Feliciano sighed softly, shaking his head, "What does that mean? A-are we," he pursed his lips, forcing himself to talk, "Are we not going out, still..?"

The German let out a deep breath and shrugged, Feliciano letting out a small sad noise at the action. "I don't know, Feliciano. I want to, I-I do still love you, but I… I don't feel comfortable continuing from where we were."

"So you want to start again?" Feliciano proposed with a smile. Ludwig gave a nod, his eyes flicking up to meet the Italian's.

"I think that would be a good idea," he said with another small nod of agreement, his hands linking on his lap. "Would that be ok?"

Feliciano nodded, smiling happily and wiping his eyes again, "Yeah," he said weakly, "I want to be with you Ludwig, I don't mind if we have to start over, I-I like the first bit."

"And you can't send me any more presents," Ludwig pushed, "Not until I trust you, because I don't send you anything, it's not fair."

Feliciano nodded quickly, "Ok," he said happily, beginning to smile more exuberantly.

"And we can't mention what happened ever again," Ludwig continued, the addition greeted by another nod of agreement.

They sat in silence for a moment, Feliciano waiting for Ludwig to add on more terms, but he couldn't think of any, eventually he let out a small sigh, smiling softly at the Italian and pulling himself up from his chair, leaning in to cup Feliciano's face, closing his eyes and giving his lips a soft peck.

"I'm so glad you're ok, Feliciano," he said quietly against his lips, kissing him again and smiling as he felt the smaller man begin to kiss back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thaat's it. Thankyou for being patient through my 3 and a half year gap lol.


End file.
